The road is smooth, life is going exactly the way you want it, you start getting up to a decent speed, feeling strong and able to accomplish anything,when ... BAMM! BIG pothole, right in the middle of your groove. Next thing you know, you are lying on the side of the road, cut and bruised and wondering, how they heck did that happen and why did I not see it coming?
Sometimes, the warning signs get moved.
Comparatively, my life is an easy one. My husband has a wonderful career, which enables me to have the freedom to work as I wish, without worrying about the bottom line, financially. I only have one child, and he is at school 7.5 hours per day, which gives me some free time to work with in my schedule. I have flexibility in my life that makes it easier for me than for some to initiate change and, hopefully, improvement. So why, then, is it so easy to get upended by potholes in the freeway of my daily life?
Last year, we had some school troubles with my son. He struggles with writing and vents his frustration in highly inappropriate ways (screaming, fits, backtalk, etc.) at his teacher. He is extremely bright (that's not just mom saying it, it's true) and his reading and verbalization level is several years past his own. But the physical act of writing? Very hard for him. He is also immature for his age, which is why he acts out like a 2 year old when he gets frustrated. OK, so that's a little harsh, but you have to understand. We dealt with this ALL 2nd SEMESTER of last year. I allowed it to further deepen my depression and feeling of failure (after all, it IS all about ME, isn't it?) as a parent. I was so tired of restricting him, of bad notes home from the teacher, conferences with the counselor, etc., etc., etc. This year has started out fantastic, a world of difference from last. Until the past 2 days. Last night, at dinner, as we sat there hashing over dismal another report from his teacher, I had the worst sense of Deja Vu ... and I quite literally felt the positive energy and motivation start to seep right out of me.
Of course, I woke this morning with that same feeling of foreboding and dread, the 50 lbs. weight hanging around my neck, dragging me down and making me ache. Isn't it odd how you feel the pains in your body so much more when your energy is low?
The thing is, this is not really my problem. It IS, of course, because it is my son and I want and need to do everything in my power to help him through it. But ultimately, it is up to him. He needs to change his attitude, he needs to do the work, he needs to control his emotions when frustrated. I can't do that for him. All I can do is help him through it and give him the tools he needs to accomplish these things. One of the best ways I can do that is to succeed at my own life, to overcome my own struggles. If I lie down on the side of the road again and spend day after day crying about whatever happens to be the downer of the moment, my son will learn that it is OK to quit. It is OK to wallow in self pity when things aren't going the way you wish. However, if I stand up and fight, even when things are at their most difficult, he will learn that giving up is never an option.
Instead of letting the emotions of this morning drag me down, I am going to get up and get some serious work done. On myself, on my body, on my house ... even on my bank book. And by the time my son makes his way home from school, I hope that he will find a positive role model to talk to, dressed up just like his dear old mom.
"I have learned that success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which one has overcome while trying to succeed." ~ Booker T. Washington ~
Thursday's Food Diary
Breakfast
* Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
* Organic Valley Organic Egg Whites, 4 serving
* Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 2 serving
* Olivio, Olivio Buttery Spread, 5 sprays, 1 serving
* Blueberries, fresh, 0.5 cup
* Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
* Jennie O Savory Seasoned Turkey Burgers, 1 serving
* Del Monte Cut Green Beans, 0.75 cup
Dinner
* Brussels sprouts, cooked, 1 cup
* Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Snack
* Kikkoman Lite Soy Sauce, 2 tbsp
* Avocados, California (Haas), 0.5 fruit without skin and seeds
* Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
* Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
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