Results of the Physical

Are you wondering how it turned out? That frightening trip to the exam office to determine whether or not all my efforts have generated a weight worthy of "Premium" status? Well, let me tell you.

It was a bit of a joke.

I did work my tail end off for the past week and a couple days. I also managed to contract a deadly (and if not sincerely lethal, it at the very least made me wish I would just die) intestinal flu which had me spending the last 2 days in the throne room. Did my body respond with a weight deserving of all this torture, both intended and not, upon my body? It certainly did NOT. My weight this morning was a solid 170.4.

*Sigh*

So, I headed out the door hoping that I would be able to beat the 170's in a month or so and be able to take the physical again. Upon arriving I was ushered into a small exam room. I was asked to step on the scale, fully dressed and with my shoes on. I asked if I could remove them, because, come on! The shoes are at least 2 lbs!! She said that was fine and I stepped on the scale, which kindly registered 170 lbs. With my clothes on. Hmmmm. Then she asked me to turn around to have my height measured. 5'6" sound about right?

Ummm ... no! But I sure as heck will take it!!

You should all know that I call my self 5'5", knowing full well its more like 5'4-1/2" ... on a good day. There is no way, in my stocking feet that I am anywhere near 5'6" ... but you know what? Added height offers a higher weight ... and I am happy to take it.

Following were blood and urine samples, then I was merrily sent on my way. I have no idea what the outcome will be ... but I know that I can argue the fully clothed thing if I have to. And, I can always go back in a month and have my weight re-checked. I will most certainly be free of the 170's by then. Come hell or high water.

So now I can stop focusing on the scale and get back to focusing on the running, focusing on the fitness and focusing on the good, clean foods.

I'm just glad that chapter is over. (And I better get the premium rating!"

Failure is NOT an Option.

Ugh! The agony of trying to beat an unwilling body into submission!

A couple of days ago I wrote about finally breaking through that 170's barrier, of getting close to my "Premium Rate" goal just in time for my life insurance physical? Yesterday I told you about my seriously tough motivational day? Today, let me tell you about waking up and finding the scale has jumped UP by nearly 4 lbs in 2 days for no good reason.

I AM SO FRUSTRATED!!!!

I haven't done anything wrong. I worked my unwilling butt of yesterday in spite of my low motivation. I stayed on plan with my eating. There is no logical reason for the scale to jump like that. No, I do not live nor die by that scale ... but apparently Life Insurance policies do. I can measure myself today and find that inches galore have dropped from my ample thighs and butt ... but that will not satisfy the suits sitting with pen in hand waiting to deny my premium rating. I NEED the scale to be well below 167 by next Wednesday ... and to wake this morning at 171.7? Seriously ... I am a little (kinder word typed than thought) angered by that.

I am also just a little fired up by it.

I mean, who does this body think it is? Who does it belong to? WHO IS THE BOSS OF IT???

I AM!

And I intend to beat it into submission until it is a bloody, sweaty pile of pulp on the side of the road, waiting for the vultures to pick apart the last ounce of marrow from its bones.

I am wrapping up that aching knee and I am heading over to the gym for a sweat session on the stairmaster. I have pulled out the measuring cups and the food scale so I can make sure that every portion is perfectly sized, not a smidgen too much or too little. I will be drying off my bike for an afternoon speed ride to generate an extra calorie burn for the day. EVERY DAY, rain or shine. I will ice the knee after so that tomorrow I can run the full 5k at my best speed yet. I will write down every bite, lick or taste. I will eat every 2-3 hours, no matter what, because I will be prepared for any circumstance. I will drink a minimum of 3 liters fresh, clean water every day. I will not succumb to the siren's call of Coke Zero or any other artificially sweetened beverage. I will stand rather than sit. I will work my ABs every single workout day, without fail.

I will accept nothing less than total obedience from this body of mine and we will see who wins at the end of a week. Failure is not an option. I do not accept failure.

And I will win.

Never, Never Quit!

It has been a difficult day. I am just flat worn out today and have had to push through absolutely everything on my agenda. By push, I mean, shove my unwilling, unmotivated, groaning self all day long. All that pushing and I am more tired now than I was when I woke up!

Not sure why, just a tough one. I did manage a run, physical therapy, cooking up a batch of incredible soup, several loads of laundry, a phone consult with Maureen, spinning class and a drive to the library where my son has tutoring. I think that sounds like a pretty decent amount of work considering I did not want to do an ounce of it.

Running was hard. I could not find my rhythm and my legs felt full of lead. My shoulder was stiff and sore rendering every aspect of P/T exceptionally painful. Spinning was a little better, but my ride was definitely stilted. It was one of those days.

We all have them. Sometimes they are due to illness. Sometimes it is lack of sleep or inadequate nutrition. Often it is just low motivation. But the key is what we do with it.

Or so I kept telling myself all day long.

There is no physical reason for the way I am feeling, so I had no choice but to tough it out. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, do whatever comes next on the list. Most of all ... NEVER, NEVER QUIT!

My day off is Friday, so unless I am broken or hacking and heaving, I don't get to take a "personal day" until then. I have to earn that day by giving every single day up to it all I have to give. Maybe, just maybe, my aging and complaining old self will reward me tomorrow with an extra good day.

Keep your fingers crossed with me?

Premium Rating

My friend Adam told me that he has lost interest in my blogs because they have become so infrequent. I am going to try and fix that, however, I am not promising anything! Life, workouts, eating, sleeping, taking care of a very busy boy's schedule, physical therapy ... it all adds up to very little me time. But we all know how I feel about excuses.

A couple of things to report: I can now run 4 miles at a solid 12 minute mile speed. Tomorrow I bring it back down to 3 miles, while trying to increase that speed yet again. I am also faithfully accomplishing 40 minutes on the stairmaster 2times per week at level 9. I can do the killer plyometric routine without embarrasment. My ABs are coming along. I (finally) broke through my weightloss barrier.

I think I wrote in the last blog that I have been stuck in the same basic weight range for all of February and the beginning of March. Thankfully, it appears I have finally broken through that barrier. My gratefulness for this is twofold. 1st, there is nothing more disheartening than to to step on the scale day after day after sweaty, denial-filled day and find it has not budged. Seriously, that is the biggest motivation zapper out there. At least, it is for me. 2nd, my husband and signed up for a term life insurance policy and in order to get the premium rate, you guessed it, I need to come in at or below a specific weight that, while not out of reach, has been elusive. For those who have not read from day one or need a reminder, I started this journey at 213 lbs. In order to get the premium rate I need to weigh 167. For the past month I have hovered around 175, with a few rounds of 173. Today I weighed 168. I have 1 week and 2 days to lose a few more pounds and make the 167 goal without fear.

For those of you who did not know my weight, now you understand why I say "people who have not seen me naked think I look good." Someone recently commented that she didn't see where I had more weight to lose. It felt nice, but all I could think was "Holy cats - if you knew what I actually weigh!!!" Well, now she will, if she reads this blog entry.

I have lost a little over 45 lbs total since October 5th when I started this journey. I had movement limiting surgery in the midst. There are times when it is much slower than I wish it would be, but all in all, I have nothing to complain about my journey. Some even think it is remarkably fast. (Crazy people.)

Me? I am just happy that I managed to make it this far in time for that premium life insurance rate.

Yay me. ;-)

Life is Good!

Some really good things have happened lately. And some things I am less than thrilled with, but hey ... you can't have everything, right?

I ran just over 4 miles on Sunday. HUGE feat for me. I was sore after ... but it didn't matter all that much as I was thrilled with the accomplishment. Because I needed to forgo my Stairmaster on Wednesday (legs needed a serious break to tackle that big Thursday), I felt the need to up the ante on Monday's climb. So I set the Stairmaster at level 9 and decided to climb from there as much of the 40 minute workout as I could.

I did the whole 40 minutes.

(Yay me!)

This morning (Tuesday) I was a bit more crunched for time, so I decided to up my speed a couple of clicks and run as much as I could. I was about 1/10 of a mile shy of 3 miles. I ran the whole thing at the higher speed.

And my legs hurt less today.

(Yay me!)

On the negative side, I can not swing a bat yet. My physical therapist is trying to address that, starting today and per my request. After all, we start training again in April and that's only a couple of weeks away. The plus side of this one is ... if for some reason I still can't hit well by the time the season starts, I can run a heck of a lot better. I can bunt and run like mad and actually make it to first base. However, I am a hitter and I missed hitting well last year. I want to hit well again, (Please, God?)

My weight is starting to shift down again. Thank God, as I have been stuck here in the same 5 lbs. range for most of February and this first half of March. It is very frustrating ... but I am persevering in spite of myself.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day and I think I am going to forgo the Guinness. Why not wait and celebrate when I reach goal instead? I'm just tired of being stalled ... and there is that whole 5 lbs. more to lose in order to be within the best rate requirements of our newly acquired life insurance plan.

All in all, though, I have nothing to complain about. I am working hard. My body is slimming out and I am starting to see muscle definition. People who don't see me naked think I look pretty good. I weigh less than my husband.

Life is good.

And, oh yeah ... the SUN IS SHINING and is supposed to stay that way all week long.

Seriously, LIFE IS GOOD!!

I Want to Eat Chocolate Today ...

But I am not going to.

I woke up this morning, started my daily ritual (wash face, brush teeth, put in contacts, get dressed), and stepped on the scale as I always do. I closed my eyes and sent a little prayer up that the number would have budged. Preferably lower. I have worked my butt off for the past week. I have eaten very well. I am most definitely expending more calories than I have taken in, yet that scale has remained quite firm through most of February and this start of March. So I prayed as I waited for the scale to register.

And then the results popped up.

Same, same, same. I am officially stuck. I moved to the bed to finish dressing and as I sat, the thought popped into my head, "I might as well eat the dang chocolate."

Oh, boy do I want to eat the chocolate.

As I sit here, confessing this errant path of thinking, I feel so sad that a little thing like a number on a scale has the power to bring joy, or sorrow, into my life. That it has the ability to lead me in a direction every other part of me does not want to go. A man-made device with the ability to derail my God-given resolve.

I am choosing NOT to eat the chocolate. I am choosing to ignore the sad little deflated voice inside my head. I am going to finish this cup of coffee and head to the gym for a good sweat on the stairmaster, followed by some much needed upper body strengthening. After I return home from the gym and other errands, I will eat my tuna salad for lunch (actual salad, not a sandwich!), then I am going to take my feisty terrier for a walk. After I talk through all this negative stuff with Maureen, I will diligently work on cleaning my house. After dropping my son off at karate, I will move all of these emotions into the characters of the next greatest musical to hit Broadway. (Well, whenever I finish it, then it will be the next greatest thing. 'Cuz I think I am on to something. And yes, this is yet another start while there are still so many unfinished ... but this one is nagging and has to be written ...)

I am not going to sit and mull over the reasons my body is failing to react the way I want it to. I am going to keep doing what I know needs to be done and trust that, no matter how obstinate my physical self may be, perseverance will ALWAYS win in the end.

I am also going to try adding a few things in. Like taking a walk every day, now that it is FINALLY feeling a bit like spring out there. Not a heart pounding, blood pumping power walk. A relaxing, clean air breathing, rejuvenating walk. An article I just finished reading says that adding extra activity into your day can help boost a plateaued weight loss. So, mopping the floor which has so needed mopping, vacuuming the carpets, dusting, parking farther away than ever from the stores, taking walks every day in addition to my regular workouts ... all these things will help bump up my activity level.

And planning my creative writing time will help me to accomplish a few other goals. Much better than sitting behind a keyboard for great lengths of time, willing myself to conjure delicious characters out of nothing.

I am NOT eating that chocolate.

"The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places." ~Author Unknown

Quads & Hammies & Glutes ... Oh My!

You know it's not going to be a good ride when you find yourself apologizing to your legs 5 minutes into spin class.

*Sigh*

So ... I worked my legs to failure on Monday. Don't worry ... I was supposed to. It's a twice a week thing now. Basically, what this means is I had nothing left to give after my leg workout Monday morning. I wobbled for the rest of the day. I accomplished this same task last Thursday, but was able to follow it up with a full day off on Friday, then light (for me) cardio on Saturday. But Sunday's run I was feelin' fine.

On Monday, I tackled the stairmaster, then followed it up with my seriously killer leg workout. It's hell to finish (sorry for the *bad word*, but seriously, demons, fire, Satan himself need to be pictured here) but I have this huge sense of accomplishment when I do. I knew I worked my hamstrings extra hard as the back portion was even more wobbly than the front. This morning they paid me back the moment I swung my legs over the side of the bed and I have been flinching with every movement since.

It's a good kind of pain, the kind that tells you that good work was done and new strengths have been gained. But let me tell you, getting those legs to run 2.5 miles this morning, then taking them through a spin class this evening was not an easy task. I literally looked down at my legs 5 minutes in and told them I was very sorry for what I had done to them. It appears they forgave me a little, as I was able to finish out the ride.

I can't believe I am about to write this, but I am looking forward to tomorrow because it is *only* a 40 minute climb on the stairmaster followed by an upper body workout. Cake walk compared to Monday. And, oh yeah, Thursday I get to do the leg thing all over again.

But, I think it will be safe to say I have EARNED my day off on Friday after that. Right now I am thinking I have earned a good couch sit watching LOST.

Perseverance is the hard work you do after you get tired of doing the hard work you already did. ~Newt Gingrich

Not A Fluke

Today I proved to myself that running the 5k was not a fluke. I needed a little proving of this as the 2nd time I attempted the full distance I failed. Miserably. There were plenty of reasons (ahem, excuses?!) that I failed the 2nd attempt and I was feeling a bit less than encouraged about my ability to duplicate that previous success.

You see, the last time I attempted was during our mini-vacation at Great Wolf Lodge. My reasons (excuses) were as follows:

A) The room was excruciatingly hot and there was no fan to keep me from overheating.
B) There were 5 of us in a very small room and people were waiting for their turn on the treadmill, which made me uncomfortable and rushed.
C) For some odd reason, Canadians use the metric system and I couldn't figure out what my base speed was supposed to be. I fiddled with it plenty, but never felt I got it right. Guess I should have paid more attention in Elementary School when they taught the metric conversions.
D) I was tired from all that swimming, climbing, running the day before.
E) The room coffee was not enough to get my engines revved before I trekked down the hall to the coat closet they call a fitness center.

See ... lots and lots of reasons (excuses) for that failure. Today I did manage to complete the full distance again. Thank God!

I am still not *excellent* at it. It still takes a ton of self-talk to get me to the end of the run. I am still slower than a turtle swimming in molasses. But I am capable of running the whole 5k distance.

On a treadmill.

Now comes the hard part ... taking it outside and duplicating that effort. Towards the end of March I am hoping there will be enough meltage that I will feel comfortable taking the trek to the great outdoors. In the meantime, I am trying to up my distance to a full 4 miles each run out ... and then in April am hoping to up my speed to something a little less *turtle*.

But the good news is still ... it wasn't a fluke.

Yay me.

Balancing my Life

A couple of comments on my last blog have set me to thinking about this whole issue of "balance". How do we find it? Is it even attainable with all the expectations on parents these days? What about single parents? They are already doing the work of 2 people ... how in the world can they sacrifice time to work out? How do we deal with stress?

I have no good answers for any of these questions. I am a problem solver by nature, so I want to offer up the perfect plan. However, there IS no perfect plan. We don't live in a Utopian society. Life does not go the way we wish it would most of the time. There are lots of books out there on the subject, whole magazines dedicated to simplifying your life, organizing, compartmentalizing ... but the epidemic of over-worked, over-stressed, overwhelmed people carries on.

I realize that I am in a very fortunate place in my life right now. I am blessed with a supportive husband whose income is sufficient for our needs. I am not required to work outside of the home. I do not have to pay for childcare. I have some free time during the day to take care of my fitness needs, so that I can spend quality time in the evenings with my son. I also realize that this could change at any moment, so I need to take full advantage of the gift of time while I have it.

However, please do not think that I am not busy, that I do not struggle with finding the time to fit in workouts and meal preparation. Our "after-school" schedule is ridiculous. My son has karate twice a week, tutoring and piano. In the late summer and fall he has football 5-6 days a week. Add in homework and chores and the evenings are chock full. My schedule is filled from sun up to sun down.

A few things I HAVE learned along the way that make it easier for me are:

Find one day with a few extra hours in it and spend that time cooking and prepping for the week. Grill or bake a pile of chicken breasts and bag them for easy grabbing. Make a pot of clean, healthy soup that you can heat up quickly during the week. Cut up veggies and store them in single serving containers. Keep portable fruits on hand. Pack a cooler every morning with healthy things to keep in the car so that drive-thru's are not necessary.

Keep a calendar of the your daily menu plan so you know what to take out for defrosting each night, if necessary. I put together a weekly menu at the start of each month. This way, I don't have to think about what to cook, or waste time wandering the grocery store aisles. I know what I need for the week and don't stray from my list. I also put daily obligations on this calendar, such as my husbands travel schedule, my son's schedule and my own appointments.

I divide up the household chores by day. For example, on Monday's my focus is the family room, Tuesday's the downstairs bathroom, foyer and kitchen, etc. This keeps the house fairly presentable and keeps me from getting distracted by another area. If the living room needs attention, I know I will get to it on Thursday ... so less stress. My house is by no means spotless ... but having a plan in place makes it more reasonable.

I know that I can not compare my life to anyone else. I KNOW that I have it easy in so many ways. But I have also had to work really hard to come up with a schedule in order to fit in the time needed for working out. Without it, I can always find other ways to spend my time that are less productive. So this is how I balance my life. Maybe it would work for someone else, too?

I am always looking for ideas on how to better manage my time and keep on top of things. If anyone has some great ideas they want to share ... I welcome them!