GOALS

I have been watching the scale slide up lately, rather than the preferred down. It's frustrating because I feel like I am doing most things right. However, its obvious I am not doing everything right. So I gotta have a plan.

I will be writing down all of my food intake for a while. Probably need to plan on doing it forever, since it is much easier to fudge when I don't. It's also easier to EAT fudge when I don't. Not that I have ... but still, I know from experience, if I am not journaling, little cheats creep in. And then I promptly forget about them. So I will carry a little notebook with me at all times, and if it enters my mouth, it enters the book. I will eat what I am supposed to, when I am supposed to and I will drink a gallon of water per day. I just will.

I am "scheduling my workouts" in my calendar. I am also scheduling specific activities for specific days. The schedule is subject to change according to what the workouts are, but each time I receive a new workout plan, I will sit and re-vamp the calendar/schedule. Currently it is:

Sunday: Day of Rest (yay!)
Monday: Shoulders/Abs/Cardio
Tuesday: legs/Abs/Cardio
Wednesday: Back & Triceps/Step Class for Cardio
Thursday: Boxing & Kettlebell (cardio is mixed in with that)/afternoon-evening walk
Friday: Rest on the Weights/Cardio for endurance (60 mins or more)
Saturday: Chest & Biceps/Abs/Cardio

I am aiming for 10,000 steps per day, a mere 5 miles running per week and lots of elliptical and stair climbing for my cardio activities. Today I will buy a new pedometer ... one that won't reset itself each time I move the wrong way. And I will track those steps.

I've been doing this for about a year now. I have made significant strides toward my goal. Now I want to blast my goals off the planet so I can have new ones. And new clothes. And I desperately want to be in my best physical shape ever when I head back to Ireland a year from now with the girls. That's my reward for making my goal and since I am definitely going, I better make the goals!

Ok, so enough talking about my plans ... it is time to head out the door and hit the gym and start accomplishing the tasks set before me.

"Goals. There's not telling what you can do when you get inspired by them. There's no telling what you can do when you believe in them. There's no telling what will happen when you act upon them." ~Jim Rohn~

Happiness is ...

In the musical "You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown", there is a wonderful song called "Happiness is ...". Lyrics are as follows:

HAPPINESS IS FINDING A PENCIL.
PIZZA WITH SAUSAGE
TELLING THE TIME.
HAPPINESS IS LEARNING TO WHISTLE.
TYING YOUR SHOE
FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME.
HAPPINESS IS PLAYING THE DRUM
IN YOUR OWN SCHOOL BAND.
AND HAPPINESS IS
WALKING HAND IN HAND.

HAPPINESS IS TWO KINDS OF ICE CREAM.
KNOWING A SECRET.
CLIMBING A TREE.
HAPPINESS IS FIVE DIFFERENT CRAYONS.
CATCHING A FIREFLY.
SETTING HIM FREE.
HAPPINESS IS
BEING ALONE EVERY NOW AND THEN.
AND HAPPINESS IS
COMING HOME AGAIN.

HAPPINESS IS MORNING AND EVENING,
DAY TIME AND NIGHT TIME TOO.
FOR HAPPINESS IS ANYONE
AND ANYTHING AT ALL
THAT'S LOVED BY YOU.
HAPPINESS IS HAVING A SISTER.
SHARING A SANDWICH.
GETTING ALONG.
HAPPINESS IS SINGING TOGETHER
WHEN DAY IS THROUGH,
AND HAPPINESS
IS THOSE WHO SING WITH YOU.

I felt the need to share the lyrics (all of them, no less) to that song, because it is so true. Happiness is something that can be found in the simplest of things. Just as there are days that absolutely EVERYTHING sets me off, sends me flying into a messy funk, there are also times when the craziest things will make me grin from ear to ear. Today? It was shoes.

Yes, shoes. No, not fancy girly shoes. Running shoes. And Cross-Trainers. And Reebok Easy Tone sneakers.

Yep, 3 pairs of wonderful, happiness filled shoes that make me want to run, skip and jump rope.

Ok, so I may have fully funded a 3rd world country for the next year with my purchases ... but I guess that is just my way of spreading the joy.

It all started with the need for some new running shoes. I wear these things everywhere, and if I am going to train for a short little 2.2 mile cross country gig on Turkey Day, its time for new treads. But at boxing today (oh, that was so cool, and oh, will I be chatting about that, too. Another day.) it was quite obvious that my running shoes were not going to cut it in the ring. So, cross-trainers were needed. And while trying on those lovely little gems, a pair of Reebok Easy Tone sneakers caught my eye. I tried them on and they were just so cozy ... well, I had to buy. Had to, I say. So I funded Vietnam (Reebok and Nike) and China (Adidas). Hmmm ... I guess not so much 3rd world ... but I still feel happy. Wish the good ole' USofA was making their own wonderful shoes, right here on our soil, but that's a blog of an entirely different kind.

The point of all this is ... I am so happy with my new shoes. I am happy that my first training session in a boxing ring went well. I am so happy that I can almost forget what a dismal failure I was at jumping rope.

Almost. ;-)

"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." ~Buddha ~

Digging Deep

Motivation. Is there a more difficult thing to grasp and hang onto than pure motivation?

mo·ti·va·tion   /ˌmoʊtəˈveɪʃən/ [moh-tuh-vey-shuhn] –noun

1. the act or an instance of motivating.
2. the state or condition of being motivated.
3. something that motivates; inducement; incentive.

Which leads to:

in·cen·tive   /ɪnˈsɛntɪv/ [in-sen-tiv] –noun

1. something that incites or tends to incite to action or greater effort, as a reward offered for increased productivity.
–adjective
2. inciting, as to action; stimulating; provocative.

Right now I am having a difficult time finding that "something" that will incite me to greater effort. There are LOTS of things holding me back from it. For example, my legs are T-I-R-E-D. I don't want to walk up my stairs at home to the bathroom, let alone set foot on an elliptical machine, or do some lunges. My Bi's & Tri's are screaming at me, so they are not interested in assisting my shoulders in today's gym effort. Granted, they are hard as rocks right now, and that is kind of cool. Don't look like Monica, but I look better than I did a year ago, that's for sure.

Other things besides the physical are getting in the way of my motivation, too. A messy house, loads of laundry, errands galore (including figuring out my new food rotation).

Then there's the flat out sinister things that come into play. Non-fat Pumpkin Spice Latte that really, REALLY calls out to me. Apple cider, apple pie, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bread ... every store, every time ... its there, beckoning you to fall into sinful bliss. Autumn is Satan's food playground. Oh, how I long to frolic on that playground ...

But I am not going to. I take a deep breath right now, filling myself with resolve. I am going to quickly browse through my Eat Clean Cookbook for a great soup recipe I can throw into the crockpot for tonight's dinner. Following, I will quickly compose a grocery list filled with the clean food items I know will be on my menu (chicken breast, egg whites, skim milk, apples, grapes, greens, etc.), then grab my gym bag and head out the door. I will have my mid-morning snack in hand, ready to eat after the workout, before the shopping. I will picture in my head all those dedicated women I aspire to emulate, physically, (especially, as we all know by now, Monica Brant). I will call Dom at ROC and set up my first boxing consult for sometime this week. I will not give in to the temptations on Satan's Playground.

In other words, I am digging deep today for the will power, motivation and incentive to do the things I know I need to do, and earn the rewards I fully intend to see.

"Continuous effort -- not strength or intelligence -- is the key to unlocking our potential." ~Liane Cardes~

"Making an animal of yourself relieves the pain of being a {wo}man." ~Manciata~

Today is a tough day, and by toughing it out, I will make myself tougher. Here's to the toughest.

"If you train hard, you'll not only be hard, you'll be hard to beat." ~Herschel Walker~

Doing Things Differently

Today I am doing things differently.

It's just a decision I made when I woke up. No, this doesn't specifically refer to diet and/or exercise, as I have not been horrible in that department as of late. This directly refers to how I am going to look at the day.

Differently.

You see, lately, I have been waking each morning with a sense of dread about what the day will bring. I have had a victim's mentality, always waiting for the next hit to come, the next thing to destroy what might have been a perfectly ordinary, perfectly wonderful day. We've taken a lot of hits this year, the Gagliano family. But you know what? When I sit and think about it ... there have been more things to celebrate than to mourn. It's just the mournful things have been uniquely large, looming menacingly in every direction, casting huge, impenetrable shadows. Those types of things are rather impossible to avoid.

It must be stated, though, that I gave it the old college try. I am a master avoider. I have often referred to myself as an "Ostrich". My favorite way to face a really big problem is to stick my head in the ground and wait for it to pass. Unfortunately, that leaves my rather large derriere hanging out, prime target for some really serious kicking. I might avoid the problems ... but they never have any intention of avoiding me.

My dad died on August 10th. I cried, I was sad, but I really didn't allow too much time for this particular event in the deeper reaches of my psyche. I have anger, resentment, fear, self-loathing, frustration all mixed in with immeasurable sorrow and loss. Of course, when you are dealing with the loss of a parent, guilt is always involved in the process as well. It is only within the last week or so that I have really allowed myself to just mourn. It's a little frustrating to me, because mourning takes time out an already taxing schedule and I don't have time to spare. But, stick my head in the ground as I will, the mourning will still come.

We've had some very specific problems with my son lately. Lying, backtalk, disrespectful, complete disregard for rules ... and absolutely no fear of whatever punishment we lay down. Take away all his stuff (who cares?), prohibit him from going trick-or-treating (I'm too old for that stuff anyway), Spanking (it doesn't hurt), stand in the corner (it's boring, but whatever), remove all sugar from the diet (just sneaks it when we take our eyes off him for 2 minutes). I mean, come on, is this not frustrating?! Talk about taking away every bit of power that a parent has. Then, his mother, in a fit of rage at having no power over her disrespectful son, throws him and his book bag out of the house one morning and tells him to *get out of my house* ... sending a truly devastated and hurt little boy to school. To tell his teacher about his horrible mom, who threw him out, how he has no place to live, how his parents don't love him and never do anything with him, don't even want to.

I've been at my wits end.

Last night I went to bed as sad as I have been in a long time, and feeling completely out of control. This morning I woke up determined to do things differently.

First, I am taking back the control. I can sit and wait for these bad things to keep coming, or I can decide that I will have a defense already in place to deflect them. I have already contacted a local child psychologist to set up an appointment for my son. It's obvious there are some real issues going on that I am incapable of fixing for him. I am going to get him someone who can help him understand that his behavior is only hurting himself ... and who can hopefully give me some new ideas.

Second, I am contacting ROC Boxing and setting up an appointment next week to go talk about starting a training regimen with them. I am ready for a new challenge. I need something to inspire me. I need a way to release some aggression. I'm not sure if I am physically ready, but I can't wait around for a bum knee to heal, unless I am prepared to get surgery for it. My shoulder is nearly a year out from surgery now. It's time to start expecting a bit more from it. Sure, I'd like to be all skinny before I enter into this training, but its probably not going to happen, so lets just start now and get skinny during. Well, scary, crazy ripped during.

Third, I am removing every type of junk from my house. Sugary junk that is. Looking for a food bank to donate the stuff to. There is just no reason for me to keep on hand cake mixes I won't be making, oreo cookie snacks, soda ... basically anything that I am not allowing my son to eat. It just won't be in the house anymore. Not only does it benefit him, it benefits ME. I don't even like the stuff, but when I go on a binge, its there and it might be disgusting, but its still temptation. If he can't eat it, none of us can. It's only fair.

It's a new day. It's a different day. It's a take charge and make the best out of your life day. It's the only chance at TODAY that I will ever have. I was not born to fail.

"Welcome every morning with a smile. Look on the new day as another special gift from your Creator, another golden opportunity to complete what you were unable to finish yesterday. Be a self-starter. Let your first hour set the theme of success and positive action that is certain to echo through your entire day. Today will never happen again. Don't waste it with a false start or no start at all. You were not born to fail." ~Og Mandino~