2 Arms

I have 2 arms again! Ok, I always had 2 arms ... and I still have one extremely lame one ... but I DO have the ability to take that sling off when I am at home, if I want. And, trust me on this one, it is like regaining a limb!! Certainly, there are still things, many, many things that I can not do ... but I can use both hands on the keyboard, I can use the punctuation and caps easily, I can fold clothes, I can wash dishes, I can pick up the house ... hmmmm ... maybe I should put the sling back on??

I am avowed to be the miraculous recovery for this particular surgery. Currently, I am off the pain meds, except one lowly little vicodin at night (which I think I can do away with tonight) and my Mobic for the swelling during the day (that's just one mega strength ibuprofen-type pill, for those not in the know). I forget once in a while and do things that cause the most horrible language to escape my lips ... but for the most part ... I am healing wonderfully. Now, if only I could regain a little more mobility and strength!

I have felt like a slug the past week and a half. I had every intention of getting to the gym starting last Monday. However, I never counted on the fact that I could not drive for a few weeks. I considered walking the 2 miles to the gym, doing some light cardio, then walking back ... but honestly, I rather thought 4 miles of walking on ice and snow in 30 degree weather just to get to the gym to sit on the recumbent bike because it was the least likely to pain me ... seemed a bit ... ludicrous?? The walking was the most dangerous part of all for me! So I opted to walk on my treadmill at home, did some walking lunges a couple of times, some stationary ones a couple of other times ... slept a lot. Considerably less working out than I am used to doing. I regain the right to drive my car on New Year's Eve ... and on that date I am meeting up with my trainer for a New Year's Eve workout, followed by a New Year's day kick off workout the next morning. Considering my slugfest state, that should be interesting.

Luckily, I only gained about a pound and a half, in spite of the fact that I have not worked as hard, not been as strictly following my food plans as I ought. I think that is God just being kind to me, truthfully. I am back on plan today, have already restarted journaling my food intake to monitor myself.

My momentum has definitely been impacted ... I get tired just thinking about getting back into my old routine ... but I do NOT want to quit on myself ... so, once again, I will do what I am supposed to and "fake it until I make it", waiting anxiously for the energy to spike and my exercise exuberance to kick back in. Admittedly, knowing how many more people will be at the gym for the next month or two, exhausts me as well ... but until I am rich and have my own in-home, state of the art fitness facility, I have to learn to share.

I know my excitement is there, somewhere, under the layers of pain and exhaustion I have been piling on the past couple of weeks, and its only a matter of digging down to get it some air before I will be running on all cylinders again. And at some time over the next several months, I will be able to do shoulder work again with BOTH arms. That is something to look forward to!

Caterpillar to Butterfly: "How do you become a butterfly?"
Butterfly: "You have to be willing to die."
Caterpillar: "Die?"
Butterfly: "Well, it feels like you're dying. But it really turns out to be a transformation to something better."

it has been too long

there may be a consesus out there that i have fallen ogg the fitness wagon, that i have given up on healthy eating, or that i have buried my head deeply under the covers with no intention of arising any time soon. none of these are true, yet all of them are ... a little.

first, my rotator cuff surgery went well. of my given scenarios, i ended up with the best case one ... which is fantastic as it means faster healing and supposedly less pain. still, i am one armed for at least 6 weeks, cannot drive for 2 weeks, and fairly reliant on my husband for everything from dressing to ponytail making, yeah ... that didnt go so well. i also have to type one handedm hence the lack of proper capitalization. still, knowing that my friend adam in nyc has been languishing over my lack of blog, i opted to do it this way, punctuation be darned.

working out is still impossible. i am currently trying to lower my vicodin intake from 2 pills every 6 hours to one every 4. i am not exactly happy about it, but vicodin scares me. pretty much anti-all drugs, so want to be med free asap. i am going to the gym tonight for some light cardio ... and if my stomach calms down enough, i may try some walking lunges.

i have not eaten poorly, but i have had trouble eating at all. i am hungry,but nothing is appetizing. i have been nauseus pretty much every waking moment since surgery. so, of course, my metabolism has done the whoa horsey and slowed to a crawl. i am up a little over a pound as of this morn. i am forcing myself to eat on plan today. hopefully it will kick me into high gear,

so, i am now exhausted and need a nap. sad, eh? not spell checking ... you get what you get. hopefully better, more intuitive blogs will follow soon.

Thoughts

I know it has been a while. I also know that I keep writing that, time and time again. Why is it so easy to put other things before ourselves?

OK, truth is, I haven't been putting much before myself, but I certainly have been putting everything before this particular blog! It's the holidays, so anyone who expects more is surely to be disappointed until January. Apologizing ahead of time for that!

Good news! I have lost 24 lbs as of this morning. Yay!

Bad news! I have to have surgery on my shoulder, December 17th. That's a week and a day from now. Think I can cram in a months worth of weights and cardio between now and then? Oh yeah ... and also finish ALL of my Christmas shopping, present wrapping ... and cook my meals ahead for at least 2 weeks so that I won't be stuck eating macaroni & cheese (my hubby's kitchen specialty) during the first few weeks of recovery. Think I can do it? LOL

It should be entertaining watching me try!

I titled this entry "Thoughts" because I have had a lot of them. It happens when you can't sleep at night well. Little things floating around in your mind. I try to sort them all out and compartmentalize them in my brain, but some still float around, unabated. Like this - Why are people mean?

I know, right? It's quite the ambiguous thought. Everyone is mean at sometime. With nice people, its not intentional. With others, the less nice, its just a way of being. Think of the most wonderful, kind human being you know ... wanna bet whether they have ever had a mean thought? I'd lay down money that they have ... its just that they have learned better how to control it. But what about those people who own the most lethal "legal" weapon? The acid tongue. The ones who know how to shred your self-esteem, your self-worth, your confidence with a single sentence? My favorite of these are the religiously righteous. They somehow believe they have the right to destroy your very soul, all in the self-stated attempt at saving it. These people are the ones that I ran away from before, when I was younger and not really sure yet of who God intended me to be. This type of person, with all their good intent, sent me racing to knock on the doors of Hell, enthusiastically. Luckily, I figured it out and I stopped knocking. But when I see it now, happening again to a young friend of mine ... I wonder anew ... WHY must we be mean? Can't we just be loving and allow God to be the Judge and Jury? We don't truly know the mind of God, we take guesses, but I certainly would not want to stand at judgement day and hear Him say that it was my vile, acid tongue that caused one of His children to lose faith and turn away.

Deep thought, huh?

Another thought ... I am so tired of people deciding what is best for me without taking my opinion into account. Mostly, this is happening on a national, political level. But I see it in other areas, too. I welcome opinions, I welcome advice, but if I decide its not the course of action that is best for my family or for myself, I hope that others can respect MY opinion and back off.

That thought is less developed. I am sure there are many more sleepless nights ahead of me, so I might be able to work on that one a bit more.

Here's an inane thought ... plain style Greek Yogurt IS OK as long as you add fresh blueberries.

My thoughts were just interrupted by a phone call, so I guess I will put this particular entry to bed. There's a workout waiting for me, anyway.

"The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgement." Proverbs 10:21

Will. Power.

Will (wil) n. 1. The mental faculty by which one deliberately chooses or decides upon a course of action; volition. 2. An instance of the exercising of will; choice. 3. Deliberate intention or wish. 4. The power to arrive at one's own decision and to act upon it independently in spite of opposition. 5.a. Determination; diligent purposefulness. b. Self control; self discipline.

Pow-er (pou'er) n. 1. The ability or capacity to act or perform effectively. 2. Strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted; might. 3. The ability or official capacity to exercise control; authority. 4. Forcefulness; effectiveness.

"It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not." James Gordon

"Willingness is essential in any initiation or in making any dream come true. I can't often means I won't. You can change I won't to I will with will power." Marcia Wieder

"What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it, that's another matter." Peter F. Drucker

"There is not great talent without great will power." Honore de Balzac

If ever there was a secret to life, Will Power must be it. Without it, nothing can be done. When one's will has been taken from them, even the simplest act of getting out of bed each morning becomes a task impossible to achieve. The desecration of human will is the weapon of terrorists and dictators. Having the ability to sustain during times of incredible duress is most certainly the greatest gift God gave us upon creation. Human beings are made to be resilient. We were created with a desire to accomplish, with an ability to stand back up even when our world has collapsed for the hundredth time.

Always, there is something that desires to upend your will power, but nothing diminishes our ability to stand back up ... except ourselves.

Ok, if you are the person reading this who has someone standing over top of you and literally holding you down, foot on your chest, pressing with all their might to keep you in a position of subservience, then you are right. Someone OTHER than yourself is holding you back. You have a justifiable excuse.

The rest of us do not.

I have been accused of having Iron Will Power ... and right now I am very proud of that accusation. However, it is not because of any super-human strength. It's just a decision that I made and I my intention to be a woman of integrity. The only person who will benefit, really, from this decision is me. The only person I have to answer to is me. And the only person I can truly disappoint by my failure is ME.

I am OVER failing myself.

Why is it that we hate to disappoint others, but we have far less qualms about disappointing ourselves? Am I not worthy of the same respect that I try to give others? If I told my friend that I was going to be somewhere, or do something, would I not be sure to do just those things? How, then, can I excuse myself for failing to ... finish my workouts when I say I am going to? Eat the things I am supposed to? Avoid the things I know will trip me up?

In September I made a decision that I was no longer going to disappoint myself and this amazing thing happened. I learned that I have a tremendous amount of will power. I also learned that not buying any excuses, from others OR from myself, was perfectly acceptable. NOT doing the workout, NOT eating the right foods, NOT avoiding the unhealthy stuff ... all of this is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

I will not accept my son failing in school. When he struggles with a subject, we get him the help he needs, either by sitting down and working through the problems with him, or finding a tutor who can do a better job. Either way, allowing him to simply fail is not an option.

In the same way, allowing myself to give up, flail, fail ... not an option. If I am struggling, I will get the help I need. I will find a new direction, but I will not just quit. Ever. Again.

So, for those who have asked me how I do it, how I have scrounged up the will power ... there you have it. I have always had it, hidden inside of me. I just allowed myself the option of quitting previously. And this time? It is SIMPLY NOT AN OPTION.



(food diary to come later)

I Haven't Died or Even Fallen Off the Wagon ...

I know that it has been a while, and I am truly sorry that I haven't had the time, nor really the inclination, to sit and write. I want desperately to make it up to all of you, but frankly, I am exhausted. And a little bit emotional.

I'll explain all that in a minute.

First, the great, fantastic and better than "good" news is that I made it through Thanksgiving AND I reached one of my personal goals. As of this mornings WI, I am down over 10% of my body weight since I started this journey. Officially, the amount lost is 22.3 lbs since October. I will take it. Especially after Turkey and Stuffing Day. My next goal is to lose another 11.5 lbs by New Year's Day. This is going to be tricky, as it is hoping for more than my 2 lbs. per week average. But that's my personal goal. Better to set the bar high and get strong reaching for it, than too low and get lazy passing it by.

It's also going to be difficult because chances are looking very good that I will be having rotator cuff surgery before the end of the month. My Orthopaedic Specialist today was not optimistic about my lack of response to Physical Therapy over the past 4 weeks. Putting it bluntly, there is no change for the better and if anything, it has regressed some. On Thursday I will go for the MRI that determines the full extent of the damage and the next plan of action. One week from today I have an appointment scheduled to go over the MRI results with the surgeon.

I guess the fact that I walked out of the office without facing the dreadful cortisone needle should have bolstered my mood a bit, but, alas, no.

Mostly, I am just scared and sad. Disappointed, exhausted, unsure ...

I want to sleep again. All the way through the night, without waking to a stab of pain to my shoulder if I move the wrong way, or get bumped in the night. I want to lift things above my head without fear. I want to hit balls in April without maneuvering my arm up to an odd, uncomfortable and WEAK angle. I want to surprise the boys in the outfield when I hit it over their heads again. I want the words "I'm sorry I am such a grump, my shoulder is just really bothering me today" to no longer be in any conversation of mine.

So, I will keep plugging along, doing what I do, following the rules and hopefully, there will be answers and ultimately results in my future.

Just for the record, I am not listing my food for the past several days ... I will just start again with today and you get to trust me that I did truly stay on plan. :-D

TUESDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 2 serving
*All Whites* 100% Liquid Egg Whites, 3 serving
Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Lunch
Jennie-O Extra Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Herdez Salsa Casera (medium), 8 tbsp
Margaret Holmes Seasoned Pinto Beans, 0.5 cup
Dinner
Romaine Lettuce (salad), 1 cup, shredded
Shrimp, cooked, 3 oz
Kraft Mayo Light Mayonnaise (Mayo), 1 tbsp
Celery, raw, 1 tbsp
Snack
Carrots, raw, 1 cup, strips or slices
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Libby's Tropical Mandarin Oranges w/ Splenda, 0.5 cup
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup

Setting the Record Straight

It seems I forgot one of the crucial truths about blogging: When you open yourself up and share your thoughts, you are also opening yourself up to criticism. In addition, written words might not always accurately depict the real human within. Bearing those two thoughts in mind, I wanted to correct an impression I might have left with my last blog.

I DO NOT feel I am a failure. In fact, I am far more successful than I ever dreamed possible. I have started and fallen many times in my 40 years, but I have risen each and every single time, having learned something new, about myself, about life, about succeeding. Every time I have tripped I have learned what it takes to pull myself back up. One is never a failure unless they choose to continue laying, inactive, where they last fell.

What I intended to convey when I wrote the *Impostor* blog was that people in my daily walk are viewing me as a bit more super-human than I ought to be given credit for. I have only lived in Rochester for a little less than 6 years. We have no family here, no history here ... people in this place only know the me they have seen for the last 6 years. So when I decided to take this bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground, all they see is a strong minded, iron willed woman who is taking on a tough opponent and winning. They don't see how many times I have had to fall down before in order to learn how to fight this hard on my feet.

I DO NOT have a failing mindset, I 100% believe in my success. I KNOW that I am going to accomplish these goals. But I also know that there will be times when I falter, trip and/or even fall. What I know about myself, that these other people do not, is that I will pull myself up and I will start again and that road block? That bump in the road that caused me to stumble? I will annihilate it and it will never trip me up again.

No, I am not making this journey for anyone other than myself. My goals are for me, my health, my well being. But that doesn't mean I am blind to the people in my life who watch what I do. It does not make me deaf to the comments, good and bad, about the choices I am making. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I have not become desensitized to other humans around me. I guess what I was trying to say, in the blog, is that I realize that the "Superman" me will someday reveal herself to be "Clark Kent" to these people. But even when that happens, I am not going to stop being what I am am, who I am and doing what I do. I am not going to let it get in the way of my success.

Being able to write about my journey is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself. I am sure there will be times when my resolve will be less iron and maybe a bit more pudding. At those times I want to be able to share it, work it out on *paper* and maybe even get some encouragement from others who read my words. I take punches pretty well, but sometimes even Superman has to deal with weaker moments. When those moments happen, I can only hope that there will be supporters who will walk me past that kryptonite so that I can fly again, not cram my face into it and kick me.

Sorry for all the Superman analogies ... its what came out of the fingertips. Please don't think that I believe I am truly Superman. LOL (Boy, now THAT would surprise my husband!)

"To conquer oneself is the best and noblest victory; to be vanquished by one's own nature is the worst and most ignoble defeat." ~ Plato ~

I will input my food diary later today.

Impostor

Have you ever felt like you were an impostor? Possibly pretending to be something you are not, feigning comfort way out of your comfort zone, laughing when inside you would rather curl up and cry? I feel like that pretty much every day, in one aspect of my life or another. My motto has always been "fake it until you make it". Or, in other words, keep muddling through until it starts to be natural.

This philosophy has served me well (somewhat) in quite a few hairy situations. I absolutely HATE social situations where I have little or nothing in common with the people I am socializing with. For example, business dinners with my husband. Let's face it ... laser physics are way beyond me. And, although I love my gun-toting former USMC sniper with all my heart, actual guns are simply not a passion for me. I am cursed with an inability to use small talk, so I have to psych myself up before any of these functions. Smile, nod, fake it 'til you make it, ask about them, talk about the weather ... keep them talking so you don't have to, etc.

I also feel a bit like an impostor right now with the whole fitness/weight loss thing. Sure, I am doing everything I am supposed to, I am excited, pumped and sincerely motivated to blow my goals out of the water. But, I am also painfully acquainted with the real me; the one who fails, falls, quits, blows it, loses her motivation ...

People see me getting results and they seem to believe that I have this rock-hard will power that absolutely refuses to quit. For some reason, they think I have cracked the code on motivation. And I am quietly quaking every day, knowing that I am going to slip up and they will see me for the impostor I am. Just another regular person, who will probably fail a billion times before reaching my goals. Even when my trainer suggested that I have the drive to someday compete, in the back of my mind I was thinking "Oh boy, I have her fooled too!" I know me. Or at least, I know my history.

So, even while I am excited and motivated by my success, I continue to be cautiously optimistic, lest that person decides to rear her chubby little cheeks again. I am keeping guards posted, watching for the little imp who whispers in my ear and causes me to step off my trail to success.

Who knows? Maybe someday, the impostor will be the truth; I really will have *made it* after a whole lot of faking it.

SUNDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Egg Whites (All Whites 100% Liquid Egg Whites), 0.7 cup
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
John McCann's Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal, 0.5 cup
Apples, fresh, 0.25 cup, quartered or chopped
Lunch
Annie's Organic Horseradish Mustard, 4 tsp
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Romaine Lettuce (salad), 1 inner leaf
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 2 slice, thin/small
Dinner
Jennie-O Extra Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz 120 26
Mache, 1 cup
Frontera Gourmet Mexican Salsa - Chipotle, 6 tbsp
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 2% Milkfat, 4 oz
Almonds, 12 almond
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup

Where does motivation come from?

"Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long." ~ Leonard Bernstein ~

I was looking for another of my motivational quotes (I collect them, and like to share them, as you may have noticed) when I saw this one. And I realized that the seeking of motivational quotes IS my approach to those times when inspiration lags. When I don't know what to write next, I take brief glimpses into the minds of inspirational people from all walks of life. Whether it is from the brilliant or the simple mind, there is inspiration to be gleaned everywhere.

Just as this idea applies to writing, I think that it can also apply to mindset and will power. When the road gets rough and tries to trip you at every turn, go find something that reminds you why it is important to finish the journey, even if it is with a few bumps and bruises.

Yesterday, in my Spinning class, I was struggling a bit with some seriously tired hamstrings (ball workout, 'nuff said). I felt weak and and inept. Usually, I can picture some scenic bike route, with hills and valleys, but even more flowers, birds and fresh air, to keep me motivated to finish the ride. Yesterday, the picture just wasn't coming, and I was feeling every rotation of my wheels. Until, about halfway through, this quiet, melodic music came over the speaker. Our instructor told us that this next hill was starting off slow and intense, envision a steep, steep climb, but would graduate into a full-fledged race down the other side. That the music was actually going to fly at the end. Next thing you know, Celtic music was winding its way to a typical frenzy. All of a sudden, I was climbing that hill on Inishmore, the largest of the Aran Islands, again. I could smell the crisp Irish Atlantic breeze, I could see the limestone jutting out of the ground. I was right back there and, even though steep and painful, I found joy and inspiration in the music and the memory. By the time we were "flying back down the other side of the mountain", I felt revived and really ready to finish the class, no matter how tired my hamstrings might be.

(For any who do not know, I should note that I celebrated my 40th birthday in the West of Ireland this summer. It was amazing and I can't wait to return.)

What motivates you? What do you need to do, think about, envision to make it past your weakest moments? Who inspires you to reach past your limits?

"Without inspiration the best powers of the mind remain dormant, they is a fuel in us which needs to be ignited with sparks." ~ Johann Gottfried Von Herder ~

FRIDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 2 serving
*All Whites* 100% Liquid Egg Whites, 4 serving
Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 2 serving
Blueberries, fresh, 0.3 cup
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies (RoTel), 2 serving
Jennie-O Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Beans, red kidney, 0.5 cup
Dinner
Gorton's Grilled Shrimp - Classiv Grilled flavor, 1 serving
Mixed Vegetables (Broccoli, Cauliflower, Carrots) Birds Eye - 87g, 1 cup
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 2% Milkfat, 0.5 cup (not packed)
Del Monte Lite Diced Peaches, 4 oz
Carrots, raw, 1 cup, strips or slices
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup

When it's time to eat ...

Today, at precisely 12:30pm it was time for me to eat my lunch. Luckily, I was prepared! Prior to leaving that morning, I prepared a cooler full of everything I would need for the time I would be out and about. A protein shake and an apple for my mid-morning snack, a healthy turkey sandwich on Ezekiel 4:9 bread for my lunch, a cup of sliced cucumbers with a little vinegar sprinkled on top, and a big bottle of water.

Mid-morning snack was easy - I ate it in the car, in between the physical therapists office and the hair salon. However, at 12:30pm, when it was time to eat my lunch, I had a head full of tin foil and was sitting under a dryer. There were 5 people in the salon, no including the stylists. Nobody else was eating. Hmmm. OH WELL!

I asked Tammy (my stylist) to hand me my cooler and I apologized to her, explaining that it was 12:30pm and it was time for me to eat my lunch. So eat it I did.

Sure, I got looks. A couple of older ladies sat there, whispering to one another, glancing my way. I did my best to be neat, to mind my manners and chew with my mouth closed. But, by God, when you need to eat every 2.5 hours, you NEED to eat, and no matter what the location, nothing is getting in the way.

After I finished, I started thinking how funny I must have looked, all tin foiled and heating up, with my psycodelic pink lunch cooler on my lap. Being that I am not yet skinny, I am sure people were thinking "Boy, that poor girl can't even wait until she is at a table until she has to eat. tsk, tsk, tsk." My response? I giggled. Again, I must have been a sight.

The things we do to make our goals, the lengths we are willing to travel. Maureen shared a story with me about eating tuna fish on an airplane. Hey, she had to eat and THAT was what she was supposed to eat at that time. You do what you have to.

I am learning to feed the engine when it needs to be fed and not let anything get in the way. When I wake, I need to feed myself first, and take care of my lovable son 2nd. That's not instincitve for a Mom! But, as Maureen pointed out to me, his little metabolism can afford to wait a few minutes ... mine can't. It's amazing the results, too. I am hungry when it is time to eat. And I don't mean mildly uncomfortable ... I mean, feed me NOW or I will eat the first source of protein that crosses my path (beware cats and dogs!)

Now, wouldn't THAT make an interesting blog!?

"The sun is always shinning. Even though clouds may come along and obscure the sun for a while, the sun is always shining. The sun never stops shining. And even though the earth turns, and the sun appears to go down, it really never stops shining." ~ Louise L. Hay

THURSDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Egg Whites (All Whites 100% Liquid Egg Whites), 0.7 cup
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
John McCann's Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal, 0.5 cup
Apples, fresh, 0.25 cup, quartered or chopped
Lunch
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 1 serving
Turkey breast meat, 2 ounce(s)
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 1 slice, medium (1/4" thick)
Romaine Lettuce (salad), 2 inner leaf
Wholly Guacamole 100 Calorie Snack Pack, 0.3 serving
Dinner
Jennie-O Extra Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Mache, 1 cup
Frontera Gourmet Mexican Salsa - Chipotle, 6 tbsp
Snack
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Cucumber (with peel), 1 cup slices
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup

Little discoveries ...

Little discoveries along the road ...

` Trying new things is intimidating ... but, yes it can be fun!
` An entire workout performed on a ball can kick your butt.
` It IS possible to lose 2 lbs in 2 days.
` Sometimes eating MORE actually revs the metabolism up! (Go figure!)
` Strawberries taste sweeter when you haven't had sugar in a long time.
` Workout pants will fall down if you don't adjust the band while losing weight. (Now that was close!)
` Sometimes it is even more rewarding to hear compliments on your success from strangers at the gym than from your own husband.
` There are lots more fun things to do with friends than just go out to dinner.
` Some aches and pains (knee!) actually go away the MORE you workout (and the less you weigh!)
` I am in a better mood now that I release stress EVERY DAY in a healthy way.
` Knowing what you are eating and at what time frees up the brain for better pursuits.
` Goals can actually be reached.

There's been a lot in the past month and a half. Even my bad days are manageable. My life change is coming along better than I could have hoped. And I am still focused ... one step, one day at a time.

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do."
- Leonardo da Vinci

WEDNESDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Strawberries, fresh, 0.5 cup, sliced
Lunch
Pink Salmon (fish), 3 oz
Brown Rice, medium grain, 0.5 cup
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 4 ounces
Del Monte Cut Green Beans, 1 cup
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Apples, fresh, 1 small (2-1/2" dia) (approx 4 per lb)
Almonds, 12 almond
Peppers, sweet, red, fresh, 1 cup, sliced
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup

When was the last time you tried something new?

I never would have pegged myself as the non-adventurous type, but as I look back over the past couple of years, I can only come up with a handful of things I have tried that are completely new. Have I always been reticent to try new things?

Looking back, I think the answer is "No, but sometimes ... yes." I have never been afraid of much, but I also enjoy the familiarity of routine. I like knowing what is going to come next and how I am going to react to it.

What, you ask, does this have to do with a health and fitness blog? I have this new workout tomorrow, you see. And I am a little intimidated by it. I am very comfortable in a weight room. I know my way around pretty much any cardio machine. And I like the "Ball". It's great for ABs.

New workout? ALL on the ball. Core intensive, butt burning, abdominal screaming full workout on a big ball. What's so scary about a ball? Kids love them! Every spring I am infatuated with getting a "W" during that Tuesday night Ball Game. FootBALL is my favorite viewing sport. What's wrong with a BALL workout.

Nothing really. It's just very knew and I am finding myself apprehensive about it. I'm sure it will go just fine. I will maneuver my way around this very heavy workload, probably fall on my face a few times, but all in all, I will get it done.

And on Thursday I will be crying out for mercy God for the extreme pain my muscles will be inflicting upon me in revenge.

So, this is going to be my something new to try for a while. Who knows? Maybe it will reopen the doors to my adventurous soul and I will be rock climbing, sky diving and wind surfing in no time!

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; Professionals built the Titanic." Anonymous

TUESDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 2 serving
*All Whites* 100% Liquid Egg Whites, 4 serving
Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 2 serving
Blueberries, fresh, 0.3 cup
Lunch

Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies (RoTel), 2 serving
Jennie-O Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Beans, red kidney, 0.5 cup
Dinner
Bib Lettuce, 1 cup, shredded or chopped
Ken's Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (10 sprays), 1 serving
Shrimp, cooked, 3 oz
Kraft Mayo Light Mayonnaise (Mayo), 0.5 tbsp
Snack
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Ken's Lite Chunky Blue Cheese salad dressing, 1 tbsp
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Libby's Tropical Mandarin Oranges w/ Splenda, 0.5 cup
Carrots, raw, 1 cup, strips or slices

Inspiration

My trainer said something to me today that was ... inspiring. Earth shattering. FRIGHTENING. (No, I am not talking about my new workout, although that is INTIMIDATING!) She said that, if I was interested in competing some day, there is nothing to hold me back, not someone with my focus and drive.

Huh!

Let's just take a moment to address the minor issue in that declaration. Compete?? Ummm ... probably not. I am basically pretty shy and, believe it or not, get quite the case of stage fright. I know, all who know me and have heard me sing or watched me in a play, will find that hard to believe. But see ... that type of performance never really frightened me. Singing ... well, sure I get nervous, but its a natural thing for me to do ... always has been. Theater? That's pretending to be someone else ... and I have a lifetime experience doing that. :) But ask me to SPEAK in front of a crowd, do anything out of my comfort zone in front of a group of people and I can pretty much guarantee my knees will be quivering. So, it is highly unlikely I would ever compete in a fitness or body building competition.

I would, however, like to LOOK like I could. The very fact that she thinks I might get this old, out of shape body anywhere near that possibility absolutely makes me grin. Ohhhh boy, do I ever want to have a body that someone might think is competition level. Yes, yes. YES.

This came on the heels of a less than motivating comment about my efforts by a family member. I struggled, mentally, much of the weekend with the words which were used by that person and my seeming inability to ever please. It was like water to a dying, thirsty soul to hear someone I respect tell me that she thinks I have the *stuff*. And, oddly, I have been feeling quite ... empowered ever since. I can accomplish anything ... and I am excited to try.

(Anyone notice that I seem to have an obsession with ellipses ... today ... ? Not quite sure why ... but they are fairly addicting ...)

Remember when you see someone trying to make a positive change in his or her life, that the words you say might echo in their heads long after you are gone. think what the world could be if we all encouraged just one new person every day ...

"The tongue has the power of life and death." Proverbs 18:21

SUNDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Kashi Go Lean Waffle, 1 serving
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Grapes, 10 grape, with seeds, yields
Lunch
Atlantic Salmon (fish), 3 oz
Brown Rice, medium grain, 0.5 cup
Kikkoman Lite Soy Sauce, 1 tbsp
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 5 ounces
Del Monte Cut Green Beans, 1 cup
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Apples, fresh, 1 small (2-1/2" dia) (approx 4 per lb)
Almonds, 12 almond

MONDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Egg Whites (All Whites 100% Liquid Egg Whites), 0.7 cup
Organic Blue Agave syrup, 0.5 tbsp
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Strawberries, fresh, 0.5 cup, sliced
John McCann's Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal, 0.5 cup
Lunch
Flat Out Artisan Fold-it Flatbread, 1 serving
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Bib Lettuce, 1 leaf, large
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 2 slice, thin/small
Dinner
Jennie-O Extra Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Mache, 1 cup
Frontera Gourmet Mexican Salsa - Chipotle, 6 tbsp
Snack
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Cucumber (with peel), 1 cup slices
Ken's Lite Chunky Blue Cheese salad dressing, 1 tbsp
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup

MINDSET is everything.

Once, a while ago, when I was kicking it hard and finding serious success on Weight Watchers, an acquaintance asked me, "How do you do it? How do you stay on track and not eat the bad stuff?" My answer to her was "I just don't." There wasn't more I could add to it, at the time. I just knew that it wasn't something I did. My focus was pretty incredible, and my results ended up being that way as well. (For a while, but that's another entry for another blog.)

I am finding myself in the same situation again, this time. People asking me how I avoid the food trip-ups that are all over the place. My answer is a little more complete this time. It's all about MINDSET. I am successful because I have decided everything is a choice ... and those choices are in my control. I can choose to eat the stuff that is not good for me ... or I can choose not to. It's all about mindset.

I found myself at a party the other night which was laden with sinfully delicious trip-ups. There were dips, crackers, cheeses, appetizers ... all things that I love dearly, and if I have to say I miss anything ... it is those. But I chose to stay out of that room, drank my water and talked to friends in the other room. Then, later into the evening, there were desserts. (I have closed my eyes in near-ecstasy as I re-picture the mocha trifle and carrot cake delights that were displayed.) The creator of these delicious bites even announced that the carrot cake was healthy ... after all, it did contain carrots. My strength was tested. My mind was strong, but my nose and stomach were working in tandem to tempt me. I didn't think "what if i just tasted one ..." or anything like that. But I did feel a little sad that I couldn't partake. Others around me were happily enjoying the feast, without guilt or reservation ... and for one long moment, I missed being free to do the same. I left the party shortly after. I love the company of friends, but I didn't want to test the resolve of my mind much further.

I find myself avoiding meals out with friends for this same reason. I have a meeting for church to attend in a couple of weeks ... where they are offering "Pizza & Soda for everyone". Everyone except for me. I will pack my cooler and I will bring my own edibles ... and I will pray for extra strength to keep my mindset strong and unerring. Just tonight, some friends of ours suggested we should meet at a favorite restaurant for dinner soon. I want to, so much ... a night out with friends, enjoying food not from a cooler ... but it will take some real planning to make sure that I know exactly what I can order and how much of it I can eat. Sometimes, it is just easier to say "no" ... and eat at home, or out of that cooler.

So, here's what keeps me going strong and faithful. I am trying to turn my chevy into a rolls royce ... and it requires only the best fuel. The workouts that I sustain 6 days out of the week require me to be energized with the best possible foods. 300 calories from a tiny sliver of plain cheesecake, without fun toppings, is about a half hour hard labor on the elliptical. Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I get to indulge my cravings with truly wonderful foods ... why mess it up now and force a forfeit on that free day? I am in a race and the only thing that can trip me up is myself. I wouldn't put obstacles in the path of my friends success ... so why should I even consider doing it to myself?

Everything is a decision. Yes, it takes time. Yes, it takes energy. Yes, there are things that are forfeit in the battle. But if you want to succeed, you need to be willing to give time and energy. And you must be willing to endure a little sacrifice.

On a side note - there are those who think this is not worthy of my energy and sacrifice, to the detriment of causes they feel are more important. But to me, my top 2 priorities are my family and my health. Family just is. Health? Without out it, there will be nothing else of me to give to whatever other thing you think is more important than the time and energy I focus on my fitness. It's ok if it is not your priority. But it is MINE .. .and nobody gets to judge me on that.

"The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it." ~ John Rushkin ~

THURSDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Kashi Go Lean Waffle, 0.5 serving
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Strawberries, fresh, 0.5 cup, sliced
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Lunch
Coho Salmon, 3 oz
Brown Rice, medium grain, 0.5 cup
Dinner
Mache, 1 cup
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Ken's Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (10 sprays), 2 serving
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 2% Milkfat, 0.5 cup (not packed)
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)
Almonds, 12 almond

FRIDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Egg Whites (All Whites 100% Liquid Egg Whites), 0.7 cup
Old Wessex Lts. 5 Grain Cereal, 1 serving
Organic Blue Agave syrup, 0.5 tbsp
Blueberries, fresh, 0.25 cup
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Chicken Breast, no skin, 6 ounces
Brown Rice, medium grain, 0.5 cup
Dinner
Frontera Gourmet Mexican Salsa - Chipotle, 6 tbsp
Jennie-O Extra Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Mache, 1 cup
Snack
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup

Stroke

My Dad had a stroke. Sunday? I'm a little unclear of the very first episode because I didn't learn about it until last night (Tuesday evening). Regardless, my parents met with the neurologist today and we have a little more information. It seems he suffered a mid-level stroke, and has had repeated mini-strokes since. Still having them, in fact. The biggest concern is that his body (brain, actually) is building up to a major stroke. Good news is ... he's in the hospital and will stay there until they get it all taken care of. Bad news is ... this started on Sunday night, but Dad didn't want to go to the emergency room, in case they didn't admit him and he would be burdened with the bill (gotta love retirement insurance policies being jacked around in the wake of financial crisis, General Motors!). So he waited until Monday morning to go to his Doctor. Who, of course, immediately admitted him and also berated him for not going to emergency. (And I wonder where I get that tendency from??) Reading up on Stroke, waiting was probably the worst thing he could have done. Luckily, he didn't get his grand mal, top of the line version before he managed to get care.

My Dad is not a healthy person. He's not "UNhealthy" per se, but he's not necessarily known for paying attention to things he should. He's always been a little overweight (sometimes a lot), he has struggled with Diabetes as he has aged, but doesn't really follow a diet recommended for someone with diabetes, he used to drink quite a bit (beer, it seems like every night after work, but that might be my child's memory expanding it). My parents don't really eat healthy. My Mom would tell you that they do, but, in the scheme of things I have learned, they are definitely more traditional "American" menus, lasagna, scalloped potatoes and ham, fried chicken, lots of meat and potato type meals. I'm not knocking it ... I LOVE my Mom's Scalloped Potatoes and Ham, Fried Chicken and Chicken and Noodles more than pretty much anything in the world. But I wouldn't call them Low-Fat, by a long stretch. Dad has always been active in that he works hard, he's a builder. But not really cardiovascular-healthy.

I'm pretty sure he is about to have a major life change.

I sure hope he does better with it than he did with the diabetes life change.

I'm still a little in shock, I guess. A little girl's Daddy is the strongest man in the world and nobody can take him in a fight. As we grow up, we might realize they are not really as physically strong as all that, but they are still the stabilizing rock in our life. Admittedly, my rock has not always been that stable, but my relationship with my parents, and especially with my father, has seriously affected the person I am today. Good and bad.

Last year, my Mom went through pancreatitis and a cancer scare. It rocked my world, like an earthquake. Luckily, the magnitude was on the smaller scale. I am hoping that Dad's stroke will be the same scale. Scary, but recoverable for everyone affected.

My brain is having a difficult time putting thoughts in order right now, so if this is a disjointed post, please forgive me.

TUESDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
*All Whites* 100% Liquid Egg Whites, 3 serving
Old Wessex Lts. 5 Grain Cereal, 1 serving
Blueberries, fresh, 0.13 cup
Flavor Tree Goji Berries, 0.13 cup
Lunch
Flat Out Artisan Fold-it Flatbread, 1 serving
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Bib Lettuce, 1 leaf, large
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 2 slice, thin/small
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Romaine Lettuce (salad), 0.75 cup, shredded
Cucumber (with peel), 0.13 cup slices
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 0.13 cup, chopped or sliced
Ken's Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (10 sprays), 1.5 serving
Snack
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)
Cucumber (with peel), 1 cup slices
Ken's Lite Chunky Blue Cheese salad dressing, 0.5 tbsp

ONEderland!

Yes, you read that right. Finally, after so many years of struggling, I have found my way back into ONEderland. There is much work to do, I will not relax. But it is absolutely delightful to reach one of those milestones. 15 lbs gone, 11 inches total lost. I can live with that. Sometimes, Monday's can be a wonderful thing.

I made it back to the gym and accomplished my entire workout without a crumpled back. VICTORY! I am keeping my fingers crossed that the morrow will not bring further pain and that I will be able to spin with wild abandon tomorrow evening.

Did anyone note that the Cowboys beat the Eagles last night? So many naysayers ... but my 'boys pulled out a big fat "W". Still knocking on wood and crossing the fingers, but little Hope Bunnies seem to be hopping all over the place. :)

I feel good. I feel pumped and revved and ready to win. The slump of the past 5 days or so is a thing of the past and I am ready to rumble.

"No! Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try." ~ Yoda, Jedi Master and Teacher ~

MONDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Kashi Go Lean Waffle, 0.5 serving
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Grapes, 10 grape
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Regular Coffee, 1.5 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Coho Salmon, 3 oz
Brown Rice, medium grain, 0.5 cup
Kikkoman Lite Soy Sauce, 2 tbsp
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Mixed Vegetables (Broccoli, Cauliflower, Carrots) Birds Eye - 87g, 1 cup
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Tea, brewed, 8 fl oz
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)
Peppers, sweet, red, raw, sliced, 1 cup
Almonds, 12 almond

Getting older is not as much fun as I thought when I was 13.

Do you remember how anxious you were to become 16 and old enough to drive a car? Or how about 18, and to graduate from high school? Maybe the best was 21 when you were *legally* considered an adult and allowed to, ahem, drink alcohol without a fake ID. I often wish that I could go back in time and gain back the days I was so anxious to leave in the dust all those years ago.

I turned 40 in June.

(That deserves a sentence all to itself.)

My body simply does not respond the way that it used to. In fact, it's responses are sometimes completely unsatisfactory. Last week, Monday, I tweaked my back a little. Come Wednesday, I tweaked it a bit more and was having trouble even moving. I did my workouts, Mon, Tues & Wed, fully and without restraint. After talking to Maureen on Wednesday, I came to the realization that my "All or nothing, Do or Die" attitude might actually set me back. So, on Thursday, I rested. I figured, since it was my spin class day, it was a better choice than Friday, which is a full workout day. On Friday, I felt better, but the back was still iffy. So I changed up my whole body workout to a "Slam hard on those Bi's & Tri's" day, along with the required cardio. And on Saturday and Sunday, I rested. My back is starting to feel much better and I am anxious to get back in the saddle tomorrow. I stayed completely on plan with my food. I simply checked back the workout a little to give my body time to heal. Learning to listen to my body is more than about hunger.

I had a hard time with it, to be honest with you. I was so afraid that I was going to lose momentum, that I was a bit depressed by the set back. I found myself more tempted by evil things like pizza and baked goods. I felt a little tug to give in, give up ... but I didn't. It's amazing how easy our minds can trick us into a defeatist mentality. "You can't do the workouts, your body is failing ... what makes you think you are going to keep this up as long as it takes to make your goal? You should just quit and enjoy those things you are missing out on. You are going to fail anyway, why not just preempt it!?"

But this morning, I pulled on a pair of slacks for church that have been a bit snug the last few times I have worn them. And they were LOOSE. Not just fit right, but rather were a little big. And suddenly, I felt just a little less defeated by my own body. I am succeeding. I am losing weight in more places than just my cheeks (the face ones that is). Sure, I hurt. But most of the time, its a good hurt that makes me feel alive and healthy and in control.

I'm older now. My back has always been a little weak. It stands to reason that I am going to have to deal with pain. I am healing my shoulder, I am listening to my body, I am doing the things I need to do to become stronger and healthier. The pain will become less. If I DON'T make these changes, these pains will only get worse as I age.

Instead of defeat, I choose to succeed. And I will.

"The only place where success comes before work is in a dictionary." ~Vidal Sassoon~

SUNDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Ezekiel 4:9 Cinnamon Raisin Bread, 2 serving
*All Whites* 100% Liquid Egg Whites, 3 serving
Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
Blueberries, fresh, 0.5 cup
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 2.5 serving
Lunch
Beans, red kidney, 0.75 cup
Jennie-O Extra Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Herdez Salsa Casera (medium), 10 tbsp
Dinner
Shrimp, cooked, 3 oz
Horseradish, 1 tbsp
Ketchup, Heinz, 0.25 tbsp
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Libby's Tropical Mandarin Oranges w/ Splenda, 0.5 cup
Almonds, 12 almond

Magazine Addiction

I have a magazine addiction. Truly. I might even be bad enough to warrant some sort of 12-step plan. Over the past several years I have learned to control it. Somewhat. However, I still probably read 5-7 new magazines per week. I walk the media aisles at the grocery every single time I have to stop in ... just to make sure none of my favorites have new issues. The mags that are on my monthly MUST READ list, I actually subscribe to. Saves money. But there are few others that creep in. And when my local grocer's supply is dry for a few days, I will head to the local Barnes & Noble. They ALWAYS have a stash, ready and waiting, to tide me over 'til the newest issues of my faves arrive.

Mostly I read Fitness magazines, healthy food mags and crafting rags. My must reads are Oxygen, M&F Hers, Clean Eating, Cooking Light, Country Living and Eating Well. But, inevitably, I read every issue of Self, Shape, Fitness, Vegetarian Times and VEG. If there is a new fitness magazine out, without a cover model for whom I have no *Physical Fitness Respect*, I will buy it.

And, occasionally, one of them will surprise me.

Today, it was the November '09 issues of Health, featuring Jillian Michaels on the cover. (In case you go looking for it.) Often times, I find the articles in magazines such as this to be of little help to me, offering up ideas contrary to what I am trying to accomplish, or depicting foods that I would only think about on a full cheat day, once a year. However, in this issue, they were discussing challenges that women face in trying to become healthier. One of these challenges was basically, picking yourself back up after a mistake. I am going to quote "The Fix" nearly word for word because I found it to be so true ... and a really great idea.

Slip ups come with the territory, so it's vital to deal with them in a positive way. "If you ran a red light and got a ticket, would you say, 'I'm such a terrible person, I might as well run red lights for the rest of the day?'" psych expert Judith Beck, PhD, asks. "In almost any non-dieting area of life, we don't compound one mistake with another." Try this: "Write 'Big deal, I made a mistake. If I get right back on track, I will feel better' on an index card, and stick it in your purse to pull out when trouble strikes," Beck instructs. (Ingela Ratledge, Health, November 2009)

I spend every day waiting for that slip up. It hasn't happened yet, this time, but it has so many times before that I am anxiously watching for it. I am expecting it. And it will happen, I am certain, although I hope it is still a long way off. But this article offered me a very real way to be prepared for the inevitable. I finished that article and felt like ... WOW! I have a plan.

Now, when that moment comes, I will have a weapon at my disposal to use against it, to conquer it, overcome and continue on in success.

I guess that magazine addiction does come in handy once in a while!

WEDNESDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Egg Whites (All Whites 100% Liquid Egg Whites), 0.7 cup
Strawberries, fresh, 0.5 cup, sliced
Old Wessex Lts. 5 Grain Cereal, 1 serving
Organic Blue Agave syrup, 0.5 tbsp
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Flat Out Artisan Fold-it Flatbread, 1 serving
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 2 slice, medium (1/4" thick)
Bib Lettuce, 1 leaf, medium
Grey Poupon Dijon Mustard, 2 tsp
Dinner
Jennie-O Extra Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Mache, 1 cup
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 0.1 cup, chopped or sliced
Herdez Salsa Casera (medium), 6 tbsp
Snack
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Apples, fresh, 1 small (2-1/2" dia) (approx 4 per lb)
Cucumber (with peel), 1 cup slices
Wishbone Light Blue Cheese salad dressing, 0.5 tbsp

Sleepy on a Tuesday

I'm exhausted. Seriously. I am sitting here in front of my computer and the only thing that I can think of, right now, at this moment, is ... I. Am. Tired. Time changes are great for getting to sleep in a little bit. But somehow, I always manage to feel it on the other end of the day. In my former time, it is 10:32 at night ... and I am pretty strictly a 10pm girl.

Enough moaning about Sleepy?

Visited my friendly orthopaedic physician today. I am improving, (yay!), I need to continue with Physical Therapy (I can live with that), my next appointment in 4 weeks will most likely include another cortisone shot (ugh!), and I need to start wrapping my brain around the fact that I might still need surgery. Small surgery compared to, if I don't get enough separation in the rotator cuff and it continues to become inflamed and actually ruptures. The surgery needed to repair a rupture is apparently much worse. So, if it comes to that (which we are working diligently against!), I guess I can live with the little surgery.

Oh yeah ... and I need to be patient. *Sigh* Not my strong suit.

I am keeping today's entry fairly short because I have a big day tomorrow and, well, I am tired. Keep climbing!!

TUESDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Kashi Go Lean Waffle, 0.5 serving
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Grapes, 10 grape
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Halibut (fish), 3 oz
Brown Rice, medium grain, 0.5 cup
Soy sauce made from soy and wheat (shoyu), low sodium, 2 tbsp
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Mache, 1 cup
Ken's Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (10 sprays), 2 serving
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Apples, fresh, 0.5 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)
Peppers, sweet, red, raw, sliced, 0.5 cup
Almonds, 12 almond

Mountains

Have you ever climbed a mountain? No, I don't mean Mt. Everest, or even anything near that indomitable. How about a good sized hill? One where you stand at the bottom, look up to the top and think, "Uh oh, what did I get myself into?" Maybe you turned around and decided it was not worth attempting on that day. Or maybe you started halfway up and realized that you really weren't as interested as you thought in reaching the top. Possibly, you put one foot in front of the other, staring at those toes, instead of the daunting summit, and trudged up slowly, resting often and for lengthy periods of time. If you did, if you really managed to get to the top of the hill, what did you feel when you got there? Relief? Joy? Satisfaction? Fear?

I have climbed a few mountains in my life. Some of them literal, and some of them figurative. I have conquered ... and I have failed. I have given up and I have also crawled up on my hands and knees. Weight-loss is very much like a mountain. My Trainer made an illustration today that reminded me of climbing Mt. Woodson in San Diego County, California, a few years ago. There is this goal (the top of the mountain) and when you are standing at the bottom, looking up at it, it seems completely insurmountable. But, being determined to get to the top, you put your head down and put one foot in front of the other and start the ascent. Most of the time, you keep your head down and focus on the mechanics of keeping the feet moving. But every once in a while, you have to look up at the ultimate goal, to measure how far you have come, how far you have to go and remind yourself why you decided to climb in the first place. Then you put your head back down, and you continue on with those mechanics. One foot at a time, one day at a time, staying with the mechanics. You WILL reach that summit. Your legs might ache, your stomach might growl, but once you get there and look back at how far you have come, and out at the stunning view before you, there is not one ounce of regret.

I have a long ways to go. My personal goal is 2 lbs a week, and I am ahead of that goal. (Weigh in today was 200.3, a total loss of 13.5 since I started 4 weeks ago). But when I look ahead, I still have 55 lbs to get to my first summit. That seems so far! However, I am not focusing on 55 lbs. I am focusing on 2 lbs per week. I am focusing on one day at a time. I know what I need to do each and every day. I can look at that goal every now and again, to measure how far I have come and how far I need to go, but my focus is on the little things that are nearer and more within my immediate vicinity.

Kind of like on Mt. Woodson, which has a seriously scary incline. The elevation is something like 1200 ft. in 1.8 miles. It's steep, folks. I remember sweating, aching, exhausted and realizing I was only half way up. I could turn around ... or I could get to that next boulder. Surely, there was flat ground beyond that. Which there wasn't, but up ahead a little farther was another turn in the road, and if I could just get there, I believed I could find a place to rest. I kept telling myself that all the way up that mountain. Just one more bend, make it to just one more boulder ... until I made all the way to the top.

Now, I won't lie and tell you that I immediately jumped for joy, found some previously hidden burst of energy. Truth is, I lay down in the dirt and closed my eyes and thanked God I was still alive. When my legs stopped quivering, I yanked myself up and gasped as I looked at the site before me. Clear all the way to the Pacific Ocean, crisp, clean air, amazing view. I was weary, I was beat, but I would not trade that moment for anything. And remembering how that moment felt has driven me time and time again to climb to heights I never believed I could reach. Literally and figuratively.

We have amazing strength. Our minds, when focused, can accomplish the impossible. Find your mountain ... and climb it. The view is so worth the work.

SUNDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Egg Whites (All Whites 100% Liquid Egg Whites), 0.7 cup
Strawberries, fresh, 0.5 cup, sliced
Old Wessex Lts. 5 Grain Cereal, 1 serving
Organic Blue Agave syrup, 0.5 tbsp
Lunch
Bread, whole wheat (including toast), 3 oz
Turkey breast meat, 2 ounce(s)
Iceberg Lettuce (salad), 0.25 cup, shredded or chopped
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 3 slice, thin/small
Subway Banana Peppers (3 strips), 1 serving
Swiss Cheese, 2 slice (1 oz)
Yellow Mustard, 2 tsp or 1 packet
Cape Cod Kettle Cooked potato chips, 40% reduced fat, 1 oz
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Mache, 1 cup
Ken's Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (10 sprays), 1 serving
Snack
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Carrots, raw, 1 cup, strips or slices
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)

MONDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Ezekiel 4:9 Cinnamon Raisin Bread, 2 serving
Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
Egg white, 4 serving
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Strawberries, fresh, 0.5 cup, sliced
Lunch
Father Sam's Wheat Pita (1/2 Pita = 1 svg.), 1 serving
Herdez Salsa Casera (medium), 4 tbsp
Bib Lettuce, 1 leaf, medium
Turkey Burger, Jennie-O, 4 oz
Dinner
Shrimp, cooked, 4 oz
Green Giant Cut Green Beans, can, 1 cup
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Libby's Tropical Mandarin Oranges w/ Splenda, 0.5 cup
Carrots, raw, 1 cup, strips or slices

Trick or Treat ...

There was this moment ... just one moment, when I ALMOST unwrapped the single, solitary piece of Dove Dark Chocolate which had fallen from our Treaters stash onto the floor. I looked at it and heard the evil hiss of the snake in my ear "It's daaarrrk chocolate, (ssssss) full of anti-oxidantsssssssss. It'sssss good for you. Go ahead ... I won't tell ... (ssssss)"

Get thee behind me, fiendish candy, snake-voiced, Satan-thing!

I kind of laughed, and dropped the the candy back in the dish, and placed it on the kitchen table, where the dogs won't be tempted. And walked away.

Sure, that piece of candy would have been nice. It would have tasted wonderful for a whole 30 seconds. Maybe even a minute if I resisted the urge to bite. But after that? It's just junk on my trunk. It's more weight to carry around during cardio tomorrow, more calories I have to burn in order to get rid of this fat. Forget it. A moment on the lips is sssssooo not worth a lifetime on the hips.

Oh yes, I realize it is only one piece of candy. I realize, in the realm of candies, it is certainly not the worst thing I could have chosen. However, it would be a breach to my commitment ... a death to my integrity ... to give in. I have a semi-cheat day coming tomorrow, for God's sake ... why blow THAT on one piece of chocolate?

Semi-cheat day: My family is going to watch the Buffalo Bills play the Houston Texans at Ralph Wilson Stadium. It's one thing to stay good when you are at home and can control your environment. Being out, at a game, where you are at the mercy of the vendors, is a different story. I am heading to the gym for an early morning sweat session. Bringing my mid-morning and afternoon snacks in baggies. And I intend to walk the entire stadium in search of the very healthiest fare they have to offer for my lunch. I won't be following my exact plan, but I am going to be as good as possible in the given circumstances. I would rather enjoy a good healthy turkey wrap (if there is such a thing in Buffalo!) than one single piece of dark chocolate any day of the week. So, take your Dove Dark Chocolate temptation away and save it for another day, oh diet-destroyer! I am committed!

SATURDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Kashi Go Lean Waffle, 0.5 serving
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Grapes, 10 grape
Lunch
Coho Salmon, 3 oz
Brown Rice, medium grain, 0.5 cup
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Broccoli, cooked, 1 cup, chopped
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Apples, fresh, 0.5 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)
Peppers, sweet, red, raw, sliced, 0.5 cup
Almonds, 12 almond

Conquering

Wake up. Feed the angry monster inside before it takes control of your mouth and makes you yell frustrated and mean things at unsuspecting family members. Drink that coffee, black, black, black. Get the boy on the bus. Tie on the trainers, grab your already packed gym bag and GET OUT THAT DOOR. Breeze through the gym door all smiles and light. Enter weight room. Sigh at the many numbers who have decided 9am is a great time to work out as well. Put on headphones, set volume a little higher and choose the rockiest tunes. Push, pull, bend, squat, lather, rinse, repeat until your legs and arms and gut are screaming in defeat. Leave the weight room, enter the cardio room. Hop on your favorite elliptical machine and hear the complaints from your quads as you amp the resistance up to level 10. 45 minutes later, clean off that machine, stretch those muscles, grab that bag and trudge, slow, aching, limping out of the gym. Keep the headset on and don't look anyone in the eye. (You can't talk to anyone, there is no breath, there is no words, left in you.) Get in car, drive home and realize ...

YOU DID IT. You made it through the whole thing. AGAIN. You did it. You really did. Feed the slowly re-awakening monster with that mid-morning snack and check the schedule for whatever is next.

Suddenly, the legs are less tired, the arms are slightly less weak, the mind is clear. Whatever is left on the day is just fine. YOU DID IT! YOU MADE IT! You can take on any obstacle thrown your way. If you can handle all that, you can handle anything else that comes along. Dance through the rest of the day, riding on the high of accomplishment. When the time for sleep comes, sleep knowing that tomorrow is yours to conquer.

FRIDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Ezekiel 4:9 Cinnamon Raisin Bread, 2 serving
Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
Egg white, 4 serving
Blueberries, fresh, 0.5 cup
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 2 serving
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Beans, red kidney, 0.5 cup
Jennie-O Extra Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Herdez Salsa Casera (medium), 10 tbsp
Dinner
Green Giant Cut Green Beans, can, 1 cup
Dijon Shrimp, 1 serving
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Libby's Tropical Mandarin Oranges w/ Splenda, 0.5 cup
Carrots, raw, 1 cup, strips or slices

New Food, New Workout

This is a week of changes for me. Maureen switched up my food (I have sandwiches back in my life! whoo hoo!) and, as you already know, on Monday she gave me a new Full Body workout plan. Legs and arms are a bit more sore today, but I feel quite good in spite of that. My commitment is not wavering!

I go back for day 2 of the new full body workout tomorrow. Then, this week, Saturday is my day of rest as I am going to try and slam in some early morning cardio on Sunday to counter affect the fact that I will be eating a little off plan. The fam is headed to Buffalo to watch the Bills take on the Houston Texans. This is our son's 1st professional football game, and although none of us is necessarily a Bills fan, we are still extremely excited about it.

I'm not writing much because I wrote this morning, and because, well, I enjoy sitting next to my husband and watching Thursday night TV. :) Enjoy the night. Be committed to something important.

THURSDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Egg Whites (All Whites 100% Liquid Egg Whites), 0.7 cup
Strawberries, fresh, 0.5 cup, sliced
Old Wessex Lts. 5 Grain Cereal, 1 serving
Organic Blue Agave syrup, 0.5 tbsp
Lunch
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 2 serving
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 3 slice, medium (1/4" thick)
Bib Lettuce, 1 leaf, large
Grey Poupon Dijon Mustard, 1 tsp
Dinner
Jennie-O Extra Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 2 slice, medium (1/4" thick)
Herdez Salsa Casera (medium), 8 tbsp
Snack
Cucumber (with peel), 1 cup slices
Ken's Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (10 sprays), 2 serving
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Orange - Valencia - 60Cal/1-Fruit, 1 serving

Dedicated? Or COMMITTED?

Following is the post that was intended for last night. However, I got home late and opted to go to bed early, rather than get caught up behind the computer.

In the previous post, I added a quote from Mike West, basically about the difference between dedication and commitment. That quote prompted a discussion with a dear friend, forcing me to evaluate what I believe the differences to be. I thought, for this post I would share some of that discussion with you, because it really helped me to dig into the meat of the quote.

There is a difference between being committed by someone else, or by something that is out of your control (insanity, drug addiction, etc.) But the *commitment* we are dealing with here is the kind you decide upon, the kind you put your word behind. Being dedicated to something suggests that you intend to do everything in your power to accomplish it, put lots of hard work into it, give it all you got. But the key word is *intend*. Commitment implies that you have given your word that you are going to accomplish it. For example, when you get married, you commit your life to that person, for better or for worse. You are giving your word that you intend to stay with them, hell or high water and the only thing that will dissolve your marriage is death. (That's what it's supposed to mean anyway. Our society today doesn't view marriage as much of a commitment.)

A Marine heads into a battle zone committed to do the best he can with the weapons and skills he has been given ... or die trying. It's the worst kind of coward who would tuck tail and run from a fight. Simply put, your honor is at stake. I believe that's the kind of commitment West is speaking of.

Of course, we are going to be dedicated to every day tasks. I certainly would not put my word down that my house is going to be spotless every single day, or else I will die trying! But I am dedicated to it, I do INTEND to try to keep it that way. When you make a commitment to something, you are laying your integrity on the line. It might not be physical death if you quit, but it should be a sort of death of honor, of integrity, if you quit.

So I think, that if you make a conscious decision in your choice of words, when you decide to say that you are *Committed* to accomplishing a goal, you do everything in your power to accomplish it. And if you fail, you get up and try again. You never quit ... even if you final 90-year old dying day happens and you still haven't actually accomplished the goal, as long as you were still trying right up to the end, you lived a committed life to that goal.

I have decided that I am committed to this goal. I am not going to quit until I succeed. It's more than being dedicated to it, for me. It is committing my very life to accomplishing the task I have set before me.

Here's the quote again, just as a reminder. Think about what it means to you, and what in your life is worthy of commitment.

"There is a difference between dedication and commitment. The chicken is dedicated, she lays eggs; the pig is committed, he gives us bacon. Be committed. Be committed to the team, to your goals, to excellence. Be committed to knowing and doing your job better everyday. Be committed, period. Dedication is good, but it always leaves a way to bail out if things don’t go as you had hoped. Commitment is real, it is 100%, it is do or die, you go we go, it is brothers ‘til the end." ~ Mike West ~

WEDNESDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Orange - Valencia - 60Cal/1-Fruit, 1 serving
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 1 serving
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Lunch
Coho Salmon, 3 oz
Broccoli, cooked, 0.5 cup, chopped
Cauliflower, cooked, 0.5 cup (1" pieces)
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Mache, 1 cup
Ken's Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (10 sprays), 1.5 serving
Snack
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)

Being Present in Everything I Do

Have you ever driven somewhere, arrived at your final destination, then realized that you do not remember one thing about your drive over? It is so easy to put the mind into *Auto Pilot* and just get where you need to be. Or do what you need to do ... say what you need to say ... we do it so often! I have found myself going on auto pilot sometimes, even, when my son is talking to me! To be fair (to myself), there is only so much "Bakugan" talk a mother can take, but still ... he deserves more than "uh-huh" when he is sharing something important (to him!) with me.

I find myself going into auto-pilot very often during cardio workouts. Repetitive motion, music, if I am lucky, a nice fan ... it's easy to do. Last Thursday during the Spin Class, things were thrown into chaos by our missing instructor. However, because we took things into our own hands, and no one was sure what was coming next, none of us were on auto that day. Today, our instructor WAS in the class, but I decided that I was going to really let myself be present in the activity. When she switched up, I tried to envision and feel the change in my muscles. Heavy resistance really brings that hamstrings into play, sprints make the quads go wild. I felt the muscles switch when I stood or when I sped up. I sweat about a bucket more than usual today, and I am pretty sure that it was due to my focus on what I was doing.

What other things in my life could be brought into *Hi-Def* by forcing myself to become present in everything I do? Certainly, I would be a better listener, a better mother, undoubtedly a better driver. And, as was made pretty obvious today, a better exerciser. Tomorrow I have a brand new whole body workout, so it certainly won't be rote. However, I intend to focus as much intensity as I can into each muscle group and really pay attention to my body. Wanna bet I find some angry muscle groups come Thursday morning?

"There is a difference between dedication and commitment. The chicken is dedicated, she lays eggs; the pig is committed, he gives us bacon. Be committed. Be committed to the team, to your goals, to excellence. Be committed to knowing and doing your job better everyday. Be committed, period. Dedication is good, but it always leaves a way to bail out if things don’t go as you had hoped. Commitment is real, it is 100%, it is do or die, you go we go, it is brothers ‘til the end." ~ Mike West ~

TUESDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Ezekiel 4:9 Cinnamon Raisin Bread, 2 serving
Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
Egg white, 4 serving
Blueberries, fresh, 0.5 cup
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 2 serving
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Turkey Burger, Jennie-O, 4 oz
Green Giant Cut Green Beans, can, 1 cup
Dinner
Mache, 1 cup
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Ken's Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (10 sprays), 1 serving
Snack
Brown Rice, medium grain, 0.75 cup
Wholly Guacamole 100 Calorie Snack Pack, 1 serving
Cottage Cheese, 2% Milkfat, 0.25 cup (not packed)
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.25 cup (not packed)
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 0.5 cup, chopped or sliced
Banana Peppers, 0.25 cup

Emotions

Have you ever had "one of those days"? Well, I have. Today.

I'm not quite certain what started it, but I am pretty sure it was just a massive culmination of every little thing all day long. Nasty scary dream about another terrorist with a plane in Minneapolis (go figure!), a less than satisfactory weigh-in, a rushed morning, an old dog who can't hold his pee for 2 hours and the resulting clean up duty, a race in the afternoon to get my son to karate on time (failed) ... nothing huge, none of it. But all together?

Oh, and (GUYS SHUT YOUR EYES AND TRAVEL DOWN TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH) I am most certainly PMSing and wish it would just arrive and get itself over with already.

My weigh-in? 203 lbs. Yep, you read it right. All that work last week and I lost 8 ounces. Yippee kai aye mother ... OK, I won't finish the rest, because I am a good girl. But any of you who have seen the original Die Hard know where that one was going. I know its any number of things, and next week will be much better, most likely. And I also know that last week was one of those jumpy, make you feel good flukes. I can't lose 7 lbs every week. But I sure can want to!

I'll get past the blues. In fact, I was doing fine ... until I ran into the mirror on my car with my hip in the garage trying to squeeze between it and the fireplace wall. Yeah ... it hurt. But certainly not enough for the ensuing wailing session.

Seriously ... sometimes it just sucks to be a girl.

Here's to a better day tomorrow. Please God???

MONDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Organic Valley Organic Egg Whites, 3 serving
Old Wessex Lts. 5 Grain Cereal, 1 serving
Banana, fresh, 1 medium (7" to 7-7/8" long)
Regular Coffee, 2 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Green Giant Cut Green Beans, can, 1 cup
Dinner
Gorton's Grilled Salmon, 1 serving
Broccoli, cooked, 0.5 cup, chopped
Cauliflower, cooked, 0.5 cup (1" pieces)
Snack
Thomas 100 Calorie Plain Bagel, 1 serving
MaraNatha Natural Almond Butter, 2 tbsp
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)

The Good News is ...

My Cowboys pulled off a spectacular win today ... against a pretty darn good team. That makes me smile.

The bad news is ... I did not complete everything on yesterdays planned to-do list for today. Yes, some laundry, but none of that planning stuff. I might get the schedule in order here, as soon as I can get off the computer. Luckily, I have what it takes to make it through tomorrow.

Yesterday, during my "phone date" with my friend Adam, he asked me how I felt. My reply was "Other than hungry?" No, really, its not been too horribly bad, and I tried to explain this to him. Americans strive to never feel that pang of hunger. I'm not sure if it is something bred into us by the immigrants who brought our poor and starving genealogy pool across the pond or not, but we sure do seem to hate feeling hungry. We avoid that feeling, that gnawing in our stomach that says "Hey you, fuel tank is running low!" I have been rather enjoying the feeling that my body is using up every last ounce of fuel that I give it ... and then proceeds to let me know, sometimes quite loudly, that it needs to be refilled. Rather like the dinging of your idiot alarm in the car telling you that you are about to run out of gas should you fail to stop and refill the tank NOW! I know when my "refueling" time is coming, because I start to feel, well, empty. By the time the next meal rolls around, I am ready to eat. And I like that the fuel I am giving my little engine is the high-octane stuff. Makes me feel good about myself ... and in return, my body seems to be performing better than ever. :)

SATURDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
Organic Valley Organic Egg Whites, 4 serving
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 2 serving
Olivio, Olivio Buttery Spread, 5 sprays, 1 serving
Blueberries, fresh, 0.5 cup
Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Green Giant Cut Green Beans, can, 0.75 cup
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Peppers, sweet, red, fresh, 1 cup, chopped
House of Tsang Classic Stir Fry Sauce, 0.25 tbsp
Tea, brewed, 16 fl oz
Snack
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Near East Whole Grain Wheat Couscous: Original Plain, 0.5 cup
Reese Grilled Marinated Artichoke Hearts, 0.5 serving

SUNDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast Calories Protein
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 1 serving
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Lunch
Coho Salmon, 3 oz
Birds Eye Pepper Stir-Fry, 1 cup
Dinner
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Green Giant Cut Green Beans, can, 1 cup
Snack
Starkist Tuna Creations Hickory Smoked Tuna, 1 serving
Wasa Fiber Crispbread, 3 serving
Cottage Cheese, 2% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 1 medium whole (2-3/5" dia)

I struggled again today, to fit it all in. The food, that is. Mainly because ... we slept in a bit! Which is wonderful, but throws off a disciplined schedule. And would you like to know what woke me up? My stomach growling! Apparently, flabby Flo down there has also become accustomed to my regular schedule!

Because I didn't get downstairs to start cooking until 9am, I was already an hour behind. After feeding the dogs and starting the coffee, Ian wanted some of my "yummy french toast" as well, so I made his first. By the time I sat down to eat, it was 9:45am, and I am now nearly 2 hours behind schedule. Fit it in I did though. And I also accomplished another 5 mile walk with the crazy canine. Now I am ready for a relaxing Sunday.

My intentions, tomorrow while watching football, are to precook and package the majority of next weeks food, and label them by the day I will need to eat them. Our weeks are so hectic that I need to take advantage of every tool in my arsenal to be prepared. I am also going to write everything down on the calendar. I am usually quite diligent, but since we threw it all out of whack last week, I haven't updated it. AND ... I need to do loads and loads of laundry.

But still, there will be time to enjoy football. I will make sure of that!

I know that I promised insight, but I have none. Nothing extraordinary happened! Keeping one foot in front of the other and dodging whatever obstacles life flings in your direction is about all I can offer. But, there is this final point to ponder:

"When you go from being a caterpillar to becoming a butterfly, you're nothing more than a yellow gooey sticky mess." ~ Ted Forbes


Breakfast
Organic Valley Organic Egg Whites, 3 serving
Old Wessex Lts. 5 Grain Cereal, 1 serving
Banana, fresh, 1 medium (7" to 7-7/8" long)
Regular Coffee, 2 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
Tea, brewed, 8 fl oz
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Romaine Lettuce (salad), 1 cup, shredded
Newman's Own Low Fat Balsamic Vinaigrette, 0.25 serving
Dinner
Herb Baked Halibut, 0.5 serving
Broccoli, cooked, 1 cup, chopped
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Snack
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)

MADE IT!

I just crashed to a halt in front of my computer a few minutes ago. I feel like I have been racing all day ... and this was supposed to be the easier of my week. All because .... I got myself a little derailed in having a nice conversation with a friend this morning. I wouldn't change the convo ... I just have to recognize that it was my choice that made my day a bit more ... hectic.

So hectic in fact ... that Maureen might kill me. I missed my mid-afternoon snack. Intended to grab it to take with me when I raced home between Ian's Parent teacher Conference and flying off to his Piano lesson. But I dashed right out the door and did not realize that I had left it until I got nearly there, 15 minutes down the road. By the time I got home it was after 6, and supper was due on the table in an hour or less. I didn't think I should double up snack with dinner, heavy calories altogether right before bedtime. So I opted to skip. Hopefully that was the better decision in this whoops.

*Fingers are held up in the girl scout pledge* I promise to be better prepared tomorrow.

I am not posting long tonight. (Sorry Adam!) But I will try to make up for it with words of "sustained creativity" tomorrow. Maybe even a little wisdom.

BTW ... got a great work out in today. ;-)

THURSDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 1 serving
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Lunch
Wild-Pacific Caught Salmon Burger, 4 oz
Brussels sprouts, cooked, 1 cup
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Dinner
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 1 serving
Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
Brussels sprouts, cooked, 1 cup
Snack
Dare Grains First Whole Grain Crackers, 2 serving
Starkist Tuna Creations Hickory Smoked Tuna, 1 serving
Cottage Cheese, 2% Milkfat, 0.5 cup (not packed)
Apples, fresh, 1 medium (2-3/4" dia) (approx 3 per lb)

The Problem is not the Problem!

2 Extraordinary points to ponder:

"No problem can withstand the power of sustained creative thought." Unknown

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is one's attitude about the problem." Unknown

Problem: Today, I (and about 10 others) showed up for our Thursday evening spinning class. Everyone pulled out there bikes, made the necessary adjustments, then hopped on for that 10 minute warm-up. (Most of us are die-hards who show up plenty early to get a nice warm up before the instructor shows up.) 5:00pm rolls around. then 5:05pm. Legs still spinning, you hear the murmurs starting. Everyone looks at one another in silent questioning. At the squeak of the door, all heads turn, but no, just another rider rushing in a little late. 5:10pm - still no instructor. 3 of our number gets off their bike, disinfects and heads down to the gym, disappointed that there was apparently no ride today.

Solution: The remaining 7 of us? We decided that, if we could work the stereo (because God knows you need music!), we could do this class ourselves. And boy did we! We each took turns setting the next goal, spin speed, resistance level. We competed with one another, not just in how fast and how hard our legs could turn, but in who could beat the last "Dictator of Pain". When cool down time struck, every last one of us was breathless, dripping in sweat ... and laughing! Because we were trying to make up that lost 10 minutes from the top of the class (and because we were competing!) there was very little down time, and each obstacle was harder than the one before. We love our instructors and want them to, of course, be there. But, I'm pretty sure every one of us worked harder in today's class than we have in a long time.

Things happen. People can't always show up when you need them to. Many of us have friends, workout partners, spouses whose lives sometimes interrupt our fitness plans. Instead of letting it derail us, we can utilize some "sustained creative thought" and come up with a way to get it done, in spite of the obstacle. And, as I learned today, sometimes the obstacles can take you to a place that surprises, delights and challenges you.

I really learned something from this, today. And I am still smiling about it.

WEDNESDAY FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
* Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
* Organic Valley Organic Egg Whites, 2 serving
* Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 2 serving
* Olivio, Olivio Buttery Spread, 5 sprays, 1 serving
* Blueberries, fresh, 0.5 cup
* Regular Coffee, 3 cup (8 fl oz)
Lunch
* Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
* Del Monte Cut Green Beans, 1 cup
Dinner
* Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces
* Del Monte Cut Green Beans, 1 cup
Snack
* Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
* Red Ripe Tomatoes, 0.5 cup, chopped or sliced
* Near East Whole Grain Wheat Couscous: Original Plain, 0.5 cup
* Wholly Guacamole 100 Calorie Snack Pack, 1 serving

Who you are is NOT a quitter ...

We are trying to adjust to a new schedule, plus all those little *getting the house ready for winter* things. I feel like I can barely catch up. Ian started karate 2x a week, Monday's & Wednesday's. For now. Eventually he will probably up it to 3x, but this is all we can handle at this point. Add in Physical Therapy twice a week, long workouts (nearly 2 hours every M/W/F, and at least an hour T/Th/Sa), homework, house cleaning (what's that?!), parent/teacher conferences, and so forth. I am tired.

I have tried all day to think of something fun, witty and inspiring to write, however I have failed. All I have left is this: There will be days when you feel like you can not possibly fit it all in, but somehow, you will. There will be days when the last thing you feel like doing is trillions of squats, and gazillions of minutes of cardio. There will be some days that it would save you so much time to just run through the drive-up window at Mc-Satan's. But you WILL do the squats and the cardio ... and you will NOT do the drive-up window. Because, this time, if something has to give, it isn't going to be you. You will barrel on, one foot at a time, seeing the finish line at the end of the day, and you will finish the race. Because it is who you are. And who you are is NOT A QUITTER.

So, I am being less witty and fun, but more short and to the point. And then I am going upstairs and I am going to rest my weary bones and prepare for another day of battle the best way I know how. SLEEP.

TUESDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
* Organic Valley Organic Egg Whites, 3 serving
* Old Wessex Lts. 5 Grain Cereal, 1 serving
* Banana, fresh, 1 medium (7" to 7-7/8" long)

Lunch
* Cucumber (with peel), 1 cup slices
* Chicken Breast, no skin, 3 ounces

Dinner
* Libby's Cut Green Beans Natural Pack, 1 cup
* Gorton's Grilled Salmon, 1 serving

Snack
* Whey to Go Whey Protein Powder, chocolate flavor, 28 gram(s)
* Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
* Thomas 100 Calorie Plain Bagel, 1 serving
* MaraNatha Natural Almond Butter, 2 tbsp