It seems I forgot one of the crucial truths about blogging: When you open yourself up and share your thoughts, you are also opening yourself up to criticism. In addition, written words might not always accurately depict the real human within. Bearing those two thoughts in mind, I wanted to correct an impression I might have left with my last blog.
I DO NOT feel I am a failure. In fact, I am far more successful than I ever dreamed possible. I have started and fallen many times in my 40 years, but I have risen each and every single time, having learned something new, about myself, about life, about succeeding. Every time I have tripped I have learned what it takes to pull myself back up. One is never a failure unless they choose to continue laying, inactive, where they last fell.
What I intended to convey when I wrote the *Impostor* blog was that people in my daily walk are viewing me as a bit more super-human than I ought to be given credit for. I have only lived in Rochester for a little less than 6 years. We have no family here, no history here ... people in this place only know the me they have seen for the last 6 years. So when I decided to take this bull by the horns and wrestle it to the ground, all they see is a strong minded, iron willed woman who is taking on a tough opponent and winning. They don't see how many times I have had to fall down before in order to learn how to fight this hard on my feet.
I DO NOT have a failing mindset, I 100% believe in my success. I KNOW that I am going to accomplish these goals. But I also know that there will be times when I falter, trip and/or even fall. What I know about myself, that these other people do not, is that I will pull myself up and I will start again and that road block? That bump in the road that caused me to stumble? I will annihilate it and it will never trip me up again.
No, I am not making this journey for anyone other than myself. My goals are for me, my health, my well being. But that doesn't mean I am blind to the people in my life who watch what I do. It does not make me deaf to the comments, good and bad, about the choices I am making. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I have not become desensitized to other humans around me. I guess what I was trying to say, in the blog, is that I realize that the "Superman" me will someday reveal herself to be "Clark Kent" to these people. But even when that happens, I am not going to stop being what I am am, who I am and doing what I do. I am not going to let it get in the way of my success.
Being able to write about my journey is one of the greatest gifts I can give myself. I am sure there will be times when my resolve will be less iron and maybe a bit more pudding. At those times I want to be able to share it, work it out on *paper* and maybe even get some encouragement from others who read my words. I take punches pretty well, but sometimes even Superman has to deal with weaker moments. When those moments happen, I can only hope that there will be supporters who will walk me past that kryptonite so that I can fly again, not cram my face into it and kick me.
Sorry for all the Superman analogies ... its what came out of the fingertips. Please don't think that I believe I am truly Superman. LOL (Boy, now THAT would surprise my husband!)
"To conquer oneself is the best and noblest victory; to be vanquished by one's own nature is the worst and most ignoble defeat." ~ Plato ~
I will input my food diary later today.
No comments:
Post a Comment