I made a decision this past week that will ultimately change my life. And I am scared. Not in a *bad horror movie* kind of way, or even a *my life will end if I don't succeed* sort of way. But more in the essence that ... I hate to fail. And this particular *life change* has failure written all over it.
I have decided to hand my life and daily routine over to someone who will attempt to turn my body into a masterpiece of health and fitness. OK ... what I have actually done is turned my life and daily routine over to someone who is going to attempt to make a reasonably fit person come out of a cow. Bad thing, right? To call ones self a cow? It is, however, how I feel. If someone on the road whispered cow to their traveling companion whilst glancing in my direction, I would show them the meaning of *stampede*. However, I am quite comfortable with using the word on myself, by myself.
A bit over 5 years ago, my husband, son and I moved to Western New York from Sunny San Diego. When I arrived I brought with me a weight loss plateau I had been struggling mightily with in Southern California. For some reason, I could not break out of the 160's into the 150's. Granted ... my weight loss had been great. I had come down from 225 lbs ... the highest of my life. I did this with the help of Weight Watchers and the absence of my husband. (He was in Iraq valiantly serving his country with the USMC.) Not that he eats horribly. But when it is just you and a toddler, it is very easy to live on carrot sticks and the occasional turkey on whole wheat. At the time we received orders to WNY, I was running races, working out daily, eating very healthfully and even if I was plateaued ... I looked and, more importantly, FELT, great. Enter the WNY lifestyle. I do realize that there are people here who embrace a fit life. Its just that I have not met them personally. Even the Weight Watchers group I joined here seemed to focus a whole lot more on what kinds of junk food were permissible while staying in a low point range. It ws discouraging.
I am a person who eats up magazines like "Muscle & Fitness Hers" and "Oxygen". I want to look like those women, I want to BE those women. But when I fall off a path, I fall hard. And as I hate failure passionately, it is very difficult for me to regain the courage necessary to stand up and start over again. I restarted myself in fits and spurts, tried some fads in the hope that some quick weight loss would inspire me to get back to being "me". Then a foot injury followed by a shoulder injury ... followed by a couple of marriage issues and I basically sat down on the side of the road and surrounded myself with a variety of junk, food and habits, and noshed for the past year. For the record, I still have the shoulder injury (rotator cuff), and the foot injury can return if I don't wear the proper shoes (plantar's fascitis).
This past week I contacted someone who can help me get on the right path. Someone who will make me feel less than a flea should I choose to wallow back into my lazy ways. Someone who will undoubtedly become my best friend and my worst nightmare. I decided that, as it is going to take up a huge amount of my time, and as I am a writer who needs to be spending time every day doing a bit of that as well, I would combine the two. I intend to blog my progress beginning to end. The good, the bad and the very ugly. Within these pages I will share triumph and failure, tears and joyous laughter. And hopefully, when success is achieved at last, I will have inspiration for other women who think this journey too difficult to embark upon.
It is September 21st. I will begin the program on October 1st. I intend to blog about my own preparation. After I start, I will also share the pertinent info, such as my weight and measurements. And if anyone chooses to read along the way, I hope that they will offer encouragement. But you know what, I am a little competitive (a lot actually) and if someone offers jeers and criticism, I intend to take it as a challenge and work that much harder.
It's my turn and the only person who can get in my way is me. Ascend on!
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