QUITTERS NEVER WIN.

June 18th. Really? It's been a long time, folks, and for that I am truly sorry.

In my defense, my life has been a little bit of a whirlwind. Take that back. My life has been a whacked out freak of a roller coaster ride that has had me screaming to get off, to absolutely no avail. The ride must go on, until it is over, or until the guy behind the controls chooses to shut the whole thing down. I'm kind of hopin' he plans to keep my personal ride going for a while longer ... but a little request for less whoop-de-whirls has been submitted.

My Dad is not good. His brain tumor did not respond to the chemo and radiation treatments and about 2 weeks ago they stopped all treatment and put him in hospice. Currently, he is at a facility receiving the best care possible, spending most of his time sleeping. I was able to spend 2 weeks up there Mid-July and am heading back up next weekend. It's not enough, not nearly, but it's what I have ... that and my prayers for his peace. Living so far away from family makes these times especially difficult. Having a husband who travels extensively for work and an 8-year old son with needs of his own, make it even more difficult. I have had to work my way through a lot of guilt lately. Not being there enough for my Dad, Mom, Sister. Not being a *present* Mom to my son, being completely emotionally unavailable to my husband. Being angry at God, at the world, at situations beyond my control. Letting my goals slip completely off my radar. Not being true to myself at all. Times like these, self-focus is not only impossible, its unthinkable. I am the least important person in my world right now ... and my exercise and eating habits have reflected that.

So here I am, 3 weeks out from a trip to the beach (my in-laws 50th Anniversary celebration) and I have a few mini-goals that I am trying to fit in. Getting to the gym at least 5 times a week. Getting a good workout in EVERY day of the week. eating small, healthy meals and writing them down so I have something keeping me accountable. Oh yeah, and hitting that ever-elusive 165 lbs. mark by 8/22/10. I wanted to be at 145, my goal weight, but I have been stuck in the low 170's for MONTHS now. Somewhat due to a plateau, mostly due to letting my focus get off track. Yes, it is excusable. I already know that. But it is NOT who I am ... and I do NOT want to undo all the work I have accomplished in the last year. It's OK for the train to stop at the station every once in a while. It is UNACCEPTABLE to jump the dang track.

In the fall, when Ian gets back to school, I intend to start boxing. I have located a gym, I have visited the kettlebell class there (intend to also go back to that), I have talked with the owner a little. It seems I need to have something to work towards and with my knee problems, running races aren't going to be something I can do on a regular basis. This interests me - and I know it is tough. It will also be pretty good for the old aggression. It's also pretty intimidating.

I don't want to be the person who gives up before actually making a goal. I just had this conversation with my son last night. Quitters NEVER win. Quitters ALWAYS lose. I know that is not politically correct in our society any longer. We tell our children it's "OK" to come in 2nd or 3rd, it's OK not to win, it only matters that we try. And this is TRUE. However, if you didn't try as hard as you possibly can, if you did not give every last ounce of effort, if you QUIT before you make it to the finish line because things got tough, obstacles got in the way, your feelings got hurt, your world turned upside down ... that is NOT OK. Winners don't let things get in their way. They work around them, work in spite of them, work through them ... but they NEVER quit working. Ian got it last night, when he made it through 2.5 hours of conditioning training in football with a twisted ankle. I need to make it through 30 more pounds with a twisted life. And remind myself: QUITTERS NEVER WIN.

165 here I come.