I accomplished a goal today. I didn't wake up thinking anything special was going to happen. In fact, I woke up feeling a bit ill. I tooled around the house, coming up with all these reasons NOT to go to the gym today. Sick stomach, messy house, errands to run ... I had a whole stash of excuses just waiting to be used.
I know, I know ... I am always coming down on excuse makers. But, that's because I am all too familiar with that shaky ground. I am an excellent excuse maker. Probably one of the best in the nation, if not world. So I know them when I hear them ... even when they are being made by me.
By 11am, my stomach seemed to have settled and I decided that I would go get my run out of the way while my legs were fresh. Saturday morning's are the freshest my legs can ever be as Friday is my workout day off. Of course, being later than my normal arrival time, all of the backroom treads were already in use. So into the broad daylight of the front area I headed. Whatever ... I mean, I'll be dying by the time I get done, but by now these people have seen my in a pool of exhaustion next to cardio machines often enough to just pour a little water on me and let me be.
So as I started the run, I decided that I would do the 5k loop. Figured I would run my usual 2 miles, then walk the rest. I warmed up for 5 minutes before starting the loop this time so I could see exactly how far I could go.
I was tired as always from mile 1 on. But I don't have permission to stop before 2 miles. (Permission from myself, that is.) At 2 miles I was exhausted, but decided I would try for a full 30 minute run, which was only like 6 more minutes. Then I hit the 30 minute mark and thought, "Just one more song ... just make it through one more song ..." I repeated that mantra over and over to myself, eyes focused over the shoulder of the guy running on the treadmill in front of me, staring at the little sign that reads "Fox News". I can't really watch the TVs ... I feel obligated to read and the bobbing up and down makes me nauseous. So I stared at those 2 words. Fox. News. And kept running. When I got to the point where I was absolutely sure that I could not run one more step, I looked down at the monitor on the treadmill to discover that I had .48 left to go. LESS THAN HALF A MILE! Holy Cats! Well, stink! I can't quit now! I pulled myself up, stared at the wall. Fox. News. And willed myself to breathe steady, listen to the words of the song. Breathe steady. Fox. News. Breathe Steady. Fox. News.
Until the machine beeped and the treadmill slowed and I did it. I ran the entire 5k loop. Yes, it was slow. But I did it. I ran(jogged) every single step. I wanted to yell. Do a happy dance. Grin broadly from ear to ear. But I smiled quietly to myself, wiped down my machine and went to look for someone to share it with.
Kyle was first as he works at the Y ... and he plays softball with me. Which means he has witnessed for 2 years my exhausted panting any time I was required to run more than one base at a time. Kyle is also a 1st class runner ... very speedy guy. So although I am not in his league, he was still happy for me and knew what an accomplishment it was. Then I called Maureen because on a need to know basis, she DEFINITELY needed to know. Followed by a call to Toni, who is running this 5k with me in April. My own little phone parties.
See, on Thursday, I had lamented to Maureen that I was worried I would never be able to finish the entire 3.1 miles in this race. I was so exhausted after 2 miles that I was having a really hard time envisioning getting beyond it. I'm not talking about my cardio ability, although, yes that is hard. It has been my legs. I do A LOT of leg work, which Maureen pointed out to me and makes my leg fatigue legit. She said that the closer we get to the race, the less the other stuff will play in, and the more we will run. But the other stuff is making me stronger so that when we get to that point, running a 5k is gonna be cake for the legs.
After we talked Thursday, I felt a little better. I DO work my legs a lot. I am allowed to be tired.
This morning ... somehow ... I managed to achieve this little goal of running the entire 5k. There was no finish line, no crowds cheering, nobody waiting to pat me on the back. It was quiet and the only person I was competing with was me.
And I beat my sorry, excuse-laden butt to the back of the bus without even intending to do so.
It felt good to win.
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