Individual

There is a current marketing spot, I believe for Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig, which is making its rounds on the commercial circuit. While images of 2 girls flash through various stages of life, the voice-over discusses how even though they may grow up in identical circumstance, walk very similar paths in life, no two person's bodies are the same. No two people share the same metabolism ... insinuating that no 2 people will respond identically to a weight loss program and therefore it needs to be tailored to each individual.

This marketing campaign fulfilled at least one if its goals ... it got me thinking. Not about Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig or whatever other weight loss program it might have been touting. It got me thinking about individuality in relation to fitness and weight loss. Cookie cutter programs simply are not going to work long term, no matter how much this multi-million dollar industry wants you to believe so.

However, this concept doesn't apply only to "commercial" programs, such as WW or JC. It applies to the silly diet's, such as those involving cabbage soup, grapefruit, detox teas or whatever. It also applies to the serious programs, those based upon really solid nutritional advice. Those programs like The Eat Clean Diet (which I am a huge fan of), the Paleo Plan, The Mediterranean Diet, South Beach, Atkins (which I am NOT a huge fan of), etc. and so forth. They all work for a while, and most likely they will all work for everybody ... for a while.

At some point, the metabolism switches, the resolve and willpower diminishes, the body and mind stop responding. And that's when each individual person must dig deeper and find that something extra inside, that thing that reignites his metabolism, that reinvigorates her willpower. That is when the individual has to come back into play and figure out what works for him or her.

Here's what I know about me:

1. I get really bored eating the same things all the time and I will either a) quit eating or I will b) cheat.

2. I can't go "carb free". It makes my brain fuzzy, it makes me a stark, raving, bitch. (Sorry for the bad language, but it's the truth.)

3. My body doesn't respond to monotony in caloric intake. Meaning, I need to change it up every couple of days to keep the metabolism firing on all cylinders. If I eat exactly 1300 calories every day for weeks on end, my body will adjust and maintain. If I eat 900 calories every day, my body will adjust and maintain. If I eat more, say 1500 calories, my body will adjust and ... gain. Sad, huh?

4. The type and quality of calories matter a lot. 100 calories of apple will be used wisely by this little machine I call my body. 100 calorie snack pack of chocolate covered pretzels will not be used wisely, or used at all, and will be stored as fat. I am assuming until my body can figure out what to do with it. Nutrient rich food contains *data* this machine is familiar with and knows how to use. Nutrient deficient junky snack foods it treats like SPAM and throws into a "fat file" to be perused later, when I am trying to figure out why my computer (body) is running so slowly.

5. I need to allow myself the opportunity to cheat (treat myself) once in a while. I take it very personally that I am not "allowed" to have a glass or 2 of red wine with my husband once a week. It makes me feel deprived, but even more than that, it makes me feel ... juvenile. Like Mommy & Daddy are telling me I can't do something I already earned the right to do. And that makes me rebellious. Kinda like, well, if I am gonna get in trouble, I might as well do it really well. EARN my punishment. So if I am "dying" for that glass of wine, piece of cheese, slice of cake, I should allow myself a small glass, a bite, a taste ... rather than depriving and then going back later to binge in rebellion.

There's a lot more I am sure that I will learn about myself. But most importantly, it s that I am me, not Monica Brant, not Maureen, not Coach Dom ... ME. I can't expect my body to respond like anyone else's, and I need to be the biggest expert on "me" that there is.

“Every person is the creation of himself, the image of his own thinking and believing. As individuals think and believe, so they are.” ~Claude M. Bristol~

Act Like a Duck

I am a fan of Grey's Anatomy. I know, I know .. it's kind of melodramatic fluff ... but snappy dialogue, real-life medical issues and fun characters have kept me glued the screen ever since the big bomb-scare episode that ran directly after Super Bowl a few years back. Recently, I saw a rerun of an episode in which Alex claims he is "acting like a duck". In a nutshell, he's not known for being a great, mature, monogamous guy in relationships, but he figured if he started acting like one, after enough time he might actually become one. In other words, if he acted like a duck long enough, he might start quacking. Of course, those words have resonated with me over the past week.

Act like a duck.

I am not a body builder. I am not a perfect specimen of fitness. I don't even look all that much like an avid exerciser. But if I act like one long enough, maybe I will start to quack. I want to be all of these things. I long for the physique, the stamina of a professional athlete. I know that I will probably not ever be one. However, if I start acting like one, start eating like one, maybe I will truly to start to look like one.

Yesterday, I rushed home after church to change into workout clothes, threw some chopped up chicken breast and green beans in a bowl and dashed out the door for the kettlebell class. On the way, I balanced the bowl on my lap, eating as I drove, listening to Eminem blasting through my speakers. The thought came from no where "Yep, I'm THAT girl. I AM the girl that eats crappy food just because it is nutrient rich fuel and will get me the physique I want. I AM the girl who makes her family switch up its routine just so she can make a specific class. I AM that crazy chick."

Of course, I'm not always that chick. Sometimes I am the girl who whines because she wants to have cake, too. Who complains that it's not fair she doesn't get to enjoy eating anymore. Often, I am the girl who can be heard retching pathetically when Maureen starts talking about eating tuna more often. But if I want to look like those people whose physique I admire, I need to eat like them, too. No amount of exercise can make up for it. A great body is built in the kitchen. It gets tuned up at the gym.

That's not to say that I am going to constantly eat things that disgust me. I actually love chicken breast and green beans. Just not at 10:00am, lukewarm from a bowl on my lap as I drive. I don't like tuna, but I think I can handle it a few times a week. It IS just fuel. I learned yesterday that if I just bake a sweet potato and use a little butter spray and sea salt, I can stomach those as well. Tosca's eating plan has me eating one every single day, but I think I can substitute beets or rutabaga in occasionally, instead. I have also learned that oatmeal, farina & millet can all be eaten plain, without sweeteners or fruit and be quite tasty.

I can't have my cake and eat it, too. If I want to have a great physique, I simply must fuel my body with foods that are clean and nutrient rich. If I want to eat cake, I have to forgo my desire to have that great physique. Yes, for those who are panicking WITH me right now, there will be cheats eventually, down the road. Rewards for making certain goals. Carrots hanging past certain obstacles to make me hurdle them faster and with less complaint. But ultimately it is a choice. Do I want to have that great body? Or do I want to eat the cake?

QUACK!

"Tell me what you eat, I'll tell you who you are." ~Anthelme Brillat-Savarin~

Determination ...

You know that it has been too long in between blogs when the system kicks you out and you can't remember your passcode. I'm just sayin' ...

Of course, I haven't much time today. This has been my excuse every day ... however, I opted to ignore all excuses today and simply state it. Then rush my little fingers into action in the 45 minutes I have available to me for showering, dressing, eating, now blogging, and finally springing my son from school to take him to the endodontist consultation this afternoon.

I have written many entries in the past week ... in my head, while driving ... in totally inappropriate and unworkable places. Inappropriate meaning ... no means to jot down the masterpieces composed in my head, sitting at red lights, watching my son at karate (sans pen and paper) ...

Actually, this is one of the few weeks that I wished for a laptop to take with me everywhere I go. I spend a lot of time waiting for Ian to complete whatever it is he is doing (karate and tutoring being two such things). I don't write well. For some reason, my brain blocks up hard creatively when I put pen to paper. However, put me in front of a keyboard and I can light it up fairly quickly. The trouble with a laptop is ... I can NOT type on one of those itty bitty little keyboards! I would have to carry a real keyboard with me everywhere I go, plug it in and find a place other than my lap on which to type. And this somewhat negates the purpose of a laptop computer.

I digress ... what I am trying to say is that there have been lots of lovely and creative thoughts this week that simply have not made it to *post* due to my time constraints.

Today I barely have time to discuss any of them ... but this one little short one will have to do. I KICKED THE BOTTOM OFF THE STAIRMASTER TODAY!

Remember, last post I was bemoaning Maureen's suggestion that I tuck in a 40 minute, level 8 stairmaster session on January 21st due to my schedule conflict for my usual spin class? I was certain that they would be mopping me up from the floor if I so much as attempted that mind-numbing task. She gave in and allowed me the option of a level 6 climb. Many of my friends and exercise cohorts deemed her certifiable and agreed with my assessment that it simply wasn't to be done.

Which of course, put me in a competitive mindset. It's one thing for ME to say I can't do something ... but when other's start agreeing with that lowered assessment ... hmmm. It gives me something to prove. I'm kind of freaky competitive like that.

So I started right away trying to get my 20 minute sessions up to a full level 8. It took 2 days. OK ... I do one minute at level 5 to warm up, then finish it out at level 8. Tuesday I was off stairmaster duty. But other than that, I have climbed every single day since my last post. Today I accomplished 42 minutes on the stairmaster. One minute warm up of level 3, 4 minutes revving up my brain warm up at level 5, then 35 full minutes at level 8, followed by a 2 minute cool down at levels 6 & 4. I climbed 2,160 total stairs today ... just shy of the Sears Tower. I would have kept going just to get that Sears Tower goal (another 75 steps or so) but there was a gentleman who had been patiently waiting for me to finish my climb and didn't complain that I stayed on the machine 12 minutes longer than the rules allow. I didn't want to push my luck ... but I did climb as fast as I could in cool down, hehehe. I know, not much of a cool down that way, but I was competing, you see.

I walked my heart rate down after, no worries.

What I was left with, after cleaning up the pools of sweat beneath my machine (rather than the staff cleaning ME up off the floor!) was this:

NOTHING is impossible for me, if I put my mind and determination behind it. No matter how big and difficult it might seem, if I just keep doing what I need to do, I can accomplish absolutely ANYTHING I put my mind to.

Even that Iron Man Triathlon I have dreamed about since I was too young to be scared.

No, I am not putting my name into some hat for the Iron Man. Not yet. But I do believe that if, when, I decide to do it ... I can. Funny isn't it ... how people agreeing with my own lowered assessment of my abilities actually brought me to this realization?

Now, don't any of you change and start telling me anything differently than you have been. I need you to be just who you are and have been so that I can become something different. If that makes any sense whatsoever ...

>"A man of sense is never discouraged by difficulties; he redoubles his industry and his diligence, he perseveres, and infallibly prevails at last." Lord Chesterfield

Ps. Thank YOU, Maureen, for pushing me beyond my own limits and expectations for myself. For believing I am even tougher than I thought I was and never letting me get away with being wimpy. I intend to keep proving you right, no matter what my first reaction may be ...

Will. Power.

Will (wil) n. 1. The mental faculty by which one deliberately chooses or decides upon a course of action; volition. 2. An instance of the exercising of will; choice. 3. Deliberate intention or wish. 4. The power to arrive at one's own decision and to act upon it independently in spite of opposition. 5.a. Determination; diligent purposefulness. b. Self control; self discipline.

Pow-er (pou'er) n. 1. The ability or capacity to act or perform effectively. 2. Strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted; might. 3. The ability or official capacity to exercise control; authority. 4. Forcefulness; effectiveness.

"It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not." James Gordon

"Willingness is essential in any initiation or in making any dream come true. I can't often means I won't. You can change I won't to I will with will power." Marcia Wieder

"What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it, that's another matter." Peter F. Drucker

"There is not great talent without great will power." Honore de Balzac

If ever there was a secret to life, Will Power must be it. Without it, nothing can be done. When one's will has been taken from them, even the simplest act of getting out of bed each morning becomes a task impossible to achieve. The desecration of human will is the weapon of terrorists and dictators. Having the ability to sustain during times of incredible duress is most certainly the greatest gift God gave us upon creation. Human beings are made to be resilient. We were created with a desire to accomplish, with an ability to stand back up even when our world has collapsed for the hundredth time.

Always, there is something that desires to upend your will power, but nothing diminishes our ability to stand back up ... except ourselves.

Ok, if you are the person reading this who has someone standing over top of you and literally holding you down, foot on your chest, pressing with all their might to keep you in a position of subservience, then you are right. Someone OTHER than yourself is holding you back. You have a justifiable excuse.

The rest of us do not.

I have been accused of having Iron Will Power ... and right now I am very proud of that accusation. However, it is not because of any super-human strength. It's just a decision that I made and I my intention to be a woman of integrity. The only person who will benefit, really, from this decision is me. The only person I have to answer to is me. And the only person I can truly disappoint by my failure is ME.

I am OVER failing myself.

Why is it that we hate to disappoint others, but we have far less qualms about disappointing ourselves? Am I not worthy of the same respect that I try to give others? If I told my friend that I was going to be somewhere, or do something, would I not be sure to do just those things? How, then, can I excuse myself for failing to ... finish my workouts when I say I am going to? Eat the things I am supposed to? Avoid the things I know will trip me up?

In September I made a decision that I was no longer going to disappoint myself and this amazing thing happened. I learned that I have a tremendous amount of will power. I also learned that not buying any excuses, from others OR from myself, was perfectly acceptable. NOT doing the workout, NOT eating the right foods, NOT avoiding the unhealthy stuff ... all of this is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

I will not accept my son failing in school. When he struggles with a subject, we get him the help he needs, either by sitting down and working through the problems with him, or finding a tutor who can do a better job. Either way, allowing him to simply fail is not an option.

In the same way, allowing myself to give up, flail, fail ... not an option. If I am struggling, I will get the help I need. I will find a new direction, but I will not just quit. Ever. Again.

So, for those who have asked me how I do it, how I have scrounged up the will power ... there you have it. I have always had it, hidden inside of me. I just allowed myself the option of quitting previously. And this time? It is SIMPLY NOT AN OPTION.



(food diary to come later)

When was the last time you tried something new?

I never would have pegged myself as the non-adventurous type, but as I look back over the past couple of years, I can only come up with a handful of things I have tried that are completely new. Have I always been reticent to try new things?

Looking back, I think the answer is "No, but sometimes ... yes." I have never been afraid of much, but I also enjoy the familiarity of routine. I like knowing what is going to come next and how I am going to react to it.

What, you ask, does this have to do with a health and fitness blog? I have this new workout tomorrow, you see. And I am a little intimidated by it. I am very comfortable in a weight room. I know my way around pretty much any cardio machine. And I like the "Ball". It's great for ABs.

New workout? ALL on the ball. Core intensive, butt burning, abdominal screaming full workout on a big ball. What's so scary about a ball? Kids love them! Every spring I am infatuated with getting a "W" during that Tuesday night Ball Game. FootBALL is my favorite viewing sport. What's wrong with a BALL workout.

Nothing really. It's just very knew and I am finding myself apprehensive about it. I'm sure it will go just fine. I will maneuver my way around this very heavy workload, probably fall on my face a few times, but all in all, I will get it done.

And on Thursday I will be crying out for mercy God for the extreme pain my muscles will be inflicting upon me in revenge.

So, this is going to be my something new to try for a while. Who knows? Maybe it will reopen the doors to my adventurous soul and I will be rock climbing, sky diving and wind surfing in no time!

"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; Professionals built the Titanic." Anonymous

TUESDAY'S FOOD DIARY
Breakfast
Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted 100% Whole Grain Bread, 2 serving
*All Whites* 100% Liquid Egg Whites, 4 serving
Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp
Olivio Buttery Spray 5 sprays, 2 serving
Blueberries, fresh, 0.3 cup
Lunch

Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies (RoTel), 2 serving
Jennie-O Lean Ground Turkey, 4 oz
Beans, red kidney, 0.5 cup
Dinner
Bib Lettuce, 1 cup, shredded or chopped
Ken's Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette (10 sprays), 1 serving
Shrimp, cooked, 3 oz
Kraft Mayo Light Mayonnaise (Mayo), 0.5 tbsp
Snack
Universal Super Whey Protein Powder, 23 gram(s)
Milk, nonfat, 1 cup
Ken's Lite Chunky Blue Cheese salad dressing, 1 tbsp
Cottage Cheese, 1% Milkfat, 0.75 cup (not packed)
Libby's Tropical Mandarin Oranges w/ Splenda, 0.5 cup
Carrots, raw, 1 cup, strips or slices

I Hate Her, I Hate Her, I Hate Her!

Not really. Actually, I kind of loved her after our first consultation yesterday. I am excited, encouraged ... amped and ready to go.

HOWEVER, my legs? Hate her. My bumm? Hates her. My entire physical being? You get the picture. Mostly its my legs ... and that's just after an AM workout today. Can't imagine how I will be feeling tomorrow when it all really sets in. But this is good pain, right? This is the kind of pain that shows you hard work was accomplished. The kind of pain that you know will diminish in a couple of days (just in time for round 2!) and will leave you feeling stronger than before.

I'm not going to fill you in on exactly what I am doing, as that would be giving away the secrets. If you want in on the secrets, let me know and I will put you in contact with the Queen of Mysteries herself. But I will tell you that the current plan is cardio approx. 40 minutes per day, 6 days a week, and a full body workout 3 times a week, with at least one break day in between. And I will also tell you that right now it involves an insane amount of squats.

Squats! I have always prided myself on being something of a Squat Master. Catching in Softball has given me quads & hammies of steel beneath the quivering jello I call my thighs. I am an avid biker ... my favorite cardio is my spin class. All these things should make squats a happy place for me in this new realm of physical fitness, right? Well ... let's see ... NO! I did a total of 120 squats of various forms today. I was actually relieved to do lunges (ugh!) and push ups (double ugh!!) Add to that some serious biking on the stationary bike for 40 minutes at a level 7 and you can just color me done. If anyone needs me tomorrow, I will be seated on the sofa moaning in agony. At least until it is time to get on the elliptical for my next cardio appt. *sigh* It's good though. It really is. "Pain is weakness leaving the body" and I am going to bet that there will be a ton of weakness exiting my lower extremeties tomorrow.

I also had an appointment with my GP about my shoulder, who confirmed the rotator cuff injury and referred me to a Orthopaedic specialist. I have that fun visit on Monday. It's amazing how fast the body can deteriorate when you start getting old.

By the way, yesterday was a pretty outstanding food day. Today is also going quite well and I am really encouraged by this.

Breakfast
* Wheatabix, 2
* Milk, nonfat, 0.75 cup
* Regular Coffee, 2 cup (8 fl oz)
* Blue Agave, Organic (Wholesome Sweeteners brand), 0.5 tbsp

Lunch
* Turkey & Roasted Pepper Pita, 0.25 serving
* Spicy Lentil Chili

Dinner
* Chicken Breast
* Asparagus, 4 spear, small
* Near East Whole Grain Wheat Couscous Roasted Garlic & Olive Oil, 0.75 cup

Snack
* Blue Diamond Whole Natural Almonds 100 Calories Pack
* Banana, fresh, 1 medium
* Clementine, 2 serving

That's all for today. All comments are welcomed!

Preparation Mode

I am stunned and amazed by the number of people who wrote me to tell me they are behind my *quest* 100%. Surprisingly, a number of people also told me they want to join me at the gym, or start a journey of their own. Thanks to all of you, I have grown even more excited and motivated about this journey ... and more committed than ever to being transparent along the way.

Part of my pre-start homework is to clean the junk out of my pantry and fridge. Honestly, there's not a lot there. Eating healthfully has not really been a problem ... I am one of those freaks of nature who actually loves fish, veggies and exotic grains (whole wheat couscous, quinoua and lentils rank right up there next to chocolate cake). However, this does not mean my home is void of junk. In order to keep the *boys* happy, I will have to keep a stash of snackables. Everything else will be given away or tossed. Might as well do a thorough cleaning of the fridge and freezer while I'm at it.

Secondly, I am to re-read the book "Clean Eating" by Tosca Reno. For any unfamiliar with her, Tosca is an inspiration to women of all ages, but most especially to those over 40. Weighing in over 200 lbs at age 40, Tosca decided some changes were needed in her life and revamped her lifestyle entirely, changing her eating and fitness habits. Now she is not only a fitness model and competitor, but she has written several inspiring books teaching others to eat clean and work out right. She's a columnist for well-respected fitness magazines and is considered to be an expert in this field. I have been a fan of hers for many years. Now I will be adhering to the same principles she used to drastically improve her fitness. About a year ago I emailed Tosca to tell her what an inspiration she is to me. She wrote back with very encouraging words, but I simply didn't have the willpower to stick to it. the next time I write to her, I intend to send photos of the brand new me.

Finally, my pre-start homework includes keeping track of every morsel of food that passes my lips and every workout I manage to get in, starting Monday the 28th. We all know that I will be on my best behavior that week ... its just natural to want to impress the teacher the first week of school. THIS week I am trying to work in (without pigging out!) the things I know I will miss during the next 12 weeks of my program. In particular, apple cider and apple crisp. Fall would not be fall with out them, and I don't want to feel I missed out on the 2nd best part of the season. :) (The 1st best part is football, of course!)

There's a lot to do. I almost feel as if I have taken on another job ... but I guess that is how it should feel. My *job* is to become the healthiest me I can, to work out and eat properly, be prepared for any circumstance. To be focused and motivated every day.

"Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal."

Ascend on!

Beginning the *Ascent*

I made a decision this past week that will ultimately change my life. And I am scared. Not in a *bad horror movie* kind of way, or even a *my life will end if I don't succeed* sort of way. But more in the essence that ... I hate to fail. And this particular *life change* has failure written all over it.

I have decided to hand my life and daily routine over to someone who will attempt to turn my body into a masterpiece of health and fitness. OK ... what I have actually done is turned my life and daily routine over to someone who is going to attempt to make a reasonably fit person come out of a cow. Bad thing, right? To call ones self a cow? It is, however, how I feel. If someone on the road whispered cow to their traveling companion whilst glancing in my direction, I would show them the meaning of *stampede*. However, I am quite comfortable with using the word on myself, by myself.

A bit over 5 years ago, my husband, son and I moved to Western New York from Sunny San Diego. When I arrived I brought with me a weight loss plateau I had been struggling mightily with in Southern California. For some reason, I could not break out of the 160's into the 150's. Granted ... my weight loss had been great. I had come down from 225 lbs ... the highest of my life. I did this with the help of Weight Watchers and the absence of my husband. (He was in Iraq valiantly serving his country with the USMC.) Not that he eats horribly. But when it is just you and a toddler, it is very easy to live on carrot sticks and the occasional turkey on whole wheat. At the time we received orders to WNY, I was running races, working out daily, eating very healthfully and even if I was plateaued ... I looked and, more importantly, FELT, great. Enter the WNY lifestyle. I do realize that there are people here who embrace a fit life. Its just that I have not met them personally. Even the Weight Watchers group I joined here seemed to focus a whole lot more on what kinds of junk food were permissible while staying in a low point range. It ws discouraging.

I am a person who eats up magazines like "Muscle & Fitness Hers" and "Oxygen". I want to look like those women, I want to BE those women. But when I fall off a path, I fall hard. And as I hate failure passionately, it is very difficult for me to regain the courage necessary to stand up and start over again. I restarted myself in fits and spurts, tried some fads in the hope that some quick weight loss would inspire me to get back to being "me". Then a foot injury followed by a shoulder injury ... followed by a couple of marriage issues and I basically sat down on the side of the road and surrounded myself with a variety of junk, food and habits, and noshed for the past year. For the record, I still have the shoulder injury (rotator cuff), and the foot injury can return if I don't wear the proper shoes (plantar's fascitis).

This past week I contacted someone who can help me get on the right path. Someone who will make me feel less than a flea should I choose to wallow back into my lazy ways. Someone who will undoubtedly become my best friend and my worst nightmare. I decided that, as it is going to take up a huge amount of my time, and as I am a writer who needs to be spending time every day doing a bit of that as well, I would combine the two. I intend to blog my progress beginning to end. The good, the bad and the very ugly. Within these pages I will share triumph and failure, tears and joyous laughter. And hopefully, when success is achieved at last, I will have inspiration for other women who think this journey too difficult to embark upon.

It is September 21st. I will begin the program on October 1st. I intend to blog about my own preparation. After I start, I will also share the pertinent info, such as my weight and measurements. And if anyone chooses to read along the way, I hope that they will offer encouragement. But you know what, I am a little competitive (a lot actually) and if someone offers jeers and criticism, I intend to take it as a challenge and work that much harder.

It's my turn and the only person who can get in my way is me. Ascend on!