Will. Power.

Will (wil) n. 1. The mental faculty by which one deliberately chooses or decides upon a course of action; volition. 2. An instance of the exercising of will; choice. 3. Deliberate intention or wish. 4. The power to arrive at one's own decision and to act upon it independently in spite of opposition. 5.a. Determination; diligent purposefulness. b. Self control; self discipline.

Pow-er (pou'er) n. 1. The ability or capacity to act or perform effectively. 2. Strength or force exerted or capable of being exerted; might. 3. The ability or official capacity to exercise control; authority. 4. Forcefulness; effectiveness.

"It's not that some people have willpower and some don't. It's that some people are ready to change and others are not." James Gordon

"Willingness is essential in any initiation or in making any dream come true. I can't often means I won't. You can change I won't to I will with will power." Marcia Wieder

"What you have to do and the way you have to do it is incredibly simple. Whether you are willing to do it, that's another matter." Peter F. Drucker

"There is not great talent without great will power." Honore de Balzac

If ever there was a secret to life, Will Power must be it. Without it, nothing can be done. When one's will has been taken from them, even the simplest act of getting out of bed each morning becomes a task impossible to achieve. The desecration of human will is the weapon of terrorists and dictators. Having the ability to sustain during times of incredible duress is most certainly the greatest gift God gave us upon creation. Human beings are made to be resilient. We were created with a desire to accomplish, with an ability to stand back up even when our world has collapsed for the hundredth time.

Always, there is something that desires to upend your will power, but nothing diminishes our ability to stand back up ... except ourselves.

Ok, if you are the person reading this who has someone standing over top of you and literally holding you down, foot on your chest, pressing with all their might to keep you in a position of subservience, then you are right. Someone OTHER than yourself is holding you back. You have a justifiable excuse.

The rest of us do not.

I have been accused of having Iron Will Power ... and right now I am very proud of that accusation. However, it is not because of any super-human strength. It's just a decision that I made and I my intention to be a woman of integrity. The only person who will benefit, really, from this decision is me. The only person I have to answer to is me. And the only person I can truly disappoint by my failure is ME.

I am OVER failing myself.

Why is it that we hate to disappoint others, but we have far less qualms about disappointing ourselves? Am I not worthy of the same respect that I try to give others? If I told my friend that I was going to be somewhere, or do something, would I not be sure to do just those things? How, then, can I excuse myself for failing to ... finish my workouts when I say I am going to? Eat the things I am supposed to? Avoid the things I know will trip me up?

In September I made a decision that I was no longer going to disappoint myself and this amazing thing happened. I learned that I have a tremendous amount of will power. I also learned that not buying any excuses, from others OR from myself, was perfectly acceptable. NOT doing the workout, NOT eating the right foods, NOT avoiding the unhealthy stuff ... all of this is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

I will not accept my son failing in school. When he struggles with a subject, we get him the help he needs, either by sitting down and working through the problems with him, or finding a tutor who can do a better job. Either way, allowing him to simply fail is not an option.

In the same way, allowing myself to give up, flail, fail ... not an option. If I am struggling, I will get the help I need. I will find a new direction, but I will not just quit. Ever. Again.

So, for those who have asked me how I do it, how I have scrounged up the will power ... there you have it. I have always had it, hidden inside of me. I just allowed myself the option of quitting previously. And this time? It is SIMPLY NOT AN OPTION.



(food diary to come later)

Preparation Mode

I am stunned and amazed by the number of people who wrote me to tell me they are behind my *quest* 100%. Surprisingly, a number of people also told me they want to join me at the gym, or start a journey of their own. Thanks to all of you, I have grown even more excited and motivated about this journey ... and more committed than ever to being transparent along the way.

Part of my pre-start homework is to clean the junk out of my pantry and fridge. Honestly, there's not a lot there. Eating healthfully has not really been a problem ... I am one of those freaks of nature who actually loves fish, veggies and exotic grains (whole wheat couscous, quinoua and lentils rank right up there next to chocolate cake). However, this does not mean my home is void of junk. In order to keep the *boys* happy, I will have to keep a stash of snackables. Everything else will be given away or tossed. Might as well do a thorough cleaning of the fridge and freezer while I'm at it.

Secondly, I am to re-read the book "Clean Eating" by Tosca Reno. For any unfamiliar with her, Tosca is an inspiration to women of all ages, but most especially to those over 40. Weighing in over 200 lbs at age 40, Tosca decided some changes were needed in her life and revamped her lifestyle entirely, changing her eating and fitness habits. Now she is not only a fitness model and competitor, but she has written several inspiring books teaching others to eat clean and work out right. She's a columnist for well-respected fitness magazines and is considered to be an expert in this field. I have been a fan of hers for many years. Now I will be adhering to the same principles she used to drastically improve her fitness. About a year ago I emailed Tosca to tell her what an inspiration she is to me. She wrote back with very encouraging words, but I simply didn't have the willpower to stick to it. the next time I write to her, I intend to send photos of the brand new me.

Finally, my pre-start homework includes keeping track of every morsel of food that passes my lips and every workout I manage to get in, starting Monday the 28th. We all know that I will be on my best behavior that week ... its just natural to want to impress the teacher the first week of school. THIS week I am trying to work in (without pigging out!) the things I know I will miss during the next 12 weeks of my program. In particular, apple cider and apple crisp. Fall would not be fall with out them, and I don't want to feel I missed out on the 2nd best part of the season. :) (The 1st best part is football, of course!)

There's a lot to do. I almost feel as if I have taken on another job ... but I guess that is how it should feel. My *job* is to become the healthiest me I can, to work out and eat properly, be prepared for any circumstance. To be focused and motivated every day.

"Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off the goal."

Ascend on!

Beginning the *Ascent*

I made a decision this past week that will ultimately change my life. And I am scared. Not in a *bad horror movie* kind of way, or even a *my life will end if I don't succeed* sort of way. But more in the essence that ... I hate to fail. And this particular *life change* has failure written all over it.

I have decided to hand my life and daily routine over to someone who will attempt to turn my body into a masterpiece of health and fitness. OK ... what I have actually done is turned my life and daily routine over to someone who is going to attempt to make a reasonably fit person come out of a cow. Bad thing, right? To call ones self a cow? It is, however, how I feel. If someone on the road whispered cow to their traveling companion whilst glancing in my direction, I would show them the meaning of *stampede*. However, I am quite comfortable with using the word on myself, by myself.

A bit over 5 years ago, my husband, son and I moved to Western New York from Sunny San Diego. When I arrived I brought with me a weight loss plateau I had been struggling mightily with in Southern California. For some reason, I could not break out of the 160's into the 150's. Granted ... my weight loss had been great. I had come down from 225 lbs ... the highest of my life. I did this with the help of Weight Watchers and the absence of my husband. (He was in Iraq valiantly serving his country with the USMC.) Not that he eats horribly. But when it is just you and a toddler, it is very easy to live on carrot sticks and the occasional turkey on whole wheat. At the time we received orders to WNY, I was running races, working out daily, eating very healthfully and even if I was plateaued ... I looked and, more importantly, FELT, great. Enter the WNY lifestyle. I do realize that there are people here who embrace a fit life. Its just that I have not met them personally. Even the Weight Watchers group I joined here seemed to focus a whole lot more on what kinds of junk food were permissible while staying in a low point range. It ws discouraging.

I am a person who eats up magazines like "Muscle & Fitness Hers" and "Oxygen". I want to look like those women, I want to BE those women. But when I fall off a path, I fall hard. And as I hate failure passionately, it is very difficult for me to regain the courage necessary to stand up and start over again. I restarted myself in fits and spurts, tried some fads in the hope that some quick weight loss would inspire me to get back to being "me". Then a foot injury followed by a shoulder injury ... followed by a couple of marriage issues and I basically sat down on the side of the road and surrounded myself with a variety of junk, food and habits, and noshed for the past year. For the record, I still have the shoulder injury (rotator cuff), and the foot injury can return if I don't wear the proper shoes (plantar's fascitis).

This past week I contacted someone who can help me get on the right path. Someone who will make me feel less than a flea should I choose to wallow back into my lazy ways. Someone who will undoubtedly become my best friend and my worst nightmare. I decided that, as it is going to take up a huge amount of my time, and as I am a writer who needs to be spending time every day doing a bit of that as well, I would combine the two. I intend to blog my progress beginning to end. The good, the bad and the very ugly. Within these pages I will share triumph and failure, tears and joyous laughter. And hopefully, when success is achieved at last, I will have inspiration for other women who think this journey too difficult to embark upon.

It is September 21st. I will begin the program on October 1st. I intend to blog about my own preparation. After I start, I will also share the pertinent info, such as my weight and measurements. And if anyone chooses to read along the way, I hope that they will offer encouragement. But you know what, I am a little competitive (a lot actually) and if someone offers jeers and criticism, I intend to take it as a challenge and work that much harder.

It's my turn and the only person who can get in my way is me. Ascend on!